In Old Enough!, a Japanese reality show broadcast for a few weeks on Netflix, children aged 4, 3, even 2 years old go shopping alone for the first time. If the series has the power to make three turns in the blood of Western parents, it also leads to a reflection on the independence that we give (or not) to our children.
Posted at 12:00 p.m.
In the first episode, little Hiroki, two years and nine months, leaves his house, a small yellow flag in his hand which will help him cross a large boulevard. He will walk 1 km to reach the supermarket and buy curry, fried fish cakes and flowers for his grandmother’s altar there. Along the way, we will hear him comment on what he sees. Then ask the grocery clerk for help.
Hajimete no Otsukai (My First Errandfame Old Enough ! for Netflix) is very successful in Japan. Broadcast on Nippon TV since 1991, the show is inspired by Miki’s First Erranda children’s book published in 1977 by Yoriko Tsutsui in which is told the story of a mother who sends her 5-year-old daughter to buy milk.
Culture différente
Les 20 épisodes mis en ligne par Netflix sont courts – entre 7 et 21 minutes. Un concept très japonais dans sa forme, avec des mots qui apparaissent continuellement à l’écran, un narrateur très expressif et des rires en boîte. Dans son fond aussi, puisque même si le parcours emprunté par les enfants est sécurisé, si des membres de l’équipe de tournage sont dissimulés le long du chemin et que les employés du supermarché sont dans le coup, il va de soi, dans la culture japonaise, d’apprendre l’indépendance aux enfants dès un très jeune âge et de les impliquer dans les tâches quotidiennes.
Mais aux États-Unis, l’émission suscite à la fois de la fascination, de l’admiration et des critiques. Si Old Enough ! dérange tant les parents occidentaux (bien qu’elle ait déjà été adaptée en Italie et au Royaume-Uni), c’est qu’elle est en rupture avec la façon dont nous élevons nos enfants, croit Michael Ungar, professeur en travail social et directeur du Centre de recherche sur la résilience de l’Université Dalhousie à Halifax.
« C’est en dehors de la norme pour la plupart des pays développés, mais cela correspond à ce que j’ai vu dans d’autres pays, où les gens sont plus vulnérables économiquement et où les enfants doivent assumer beaucoup plus de rôles au sein de leur famille », observe-t-il, tout en rappelant que les enfants présentés dans cette émission ont été soigneusement sélectionnés et que l’environnement a été relativement sécurisé. Sans compter le sens de la communauté et l’esprit civique des Japonais qui rendent certainement l’expérience moins risquée aux yeux des parents.
On est dans une société très surprotectrice, et voir ce genre d’émission nous confronte beaucoup à notre fonctionnement occidental, à nos valeurs et à nos peurs. Cela dit, moi aussi, je serais zéro à l’aise [d’envoyer ma fille seule faire des courses].
Psychoeducator Stéphanie Deslauriers, author of Happiness to be an imperfect parent and mother of a 4 year old girl
But that a child under 3 years old is able to succeed in such a challenge is still surprising. “We tend to infantilize children by seeing them as incompetent or unable to perform tasks. In reality, they are much more capable than we believe,” says Michael Ungar, author of several books, including We Generation: Raising Socially Responsible Kids and Too Safe For Their Own Good.
PHOTO PROVIDED BY NIPPON TV/NETFLIX
In one of the episodes, 3-year-old Yuka goes to the Akashi market alone, not without having shed a few tears before leaving.
trust the children
According to Stéphanie Deslauriers, this series shows the gap between children’s capacity for autonomy and the freedom they are given as parents. “We do a lot for our children, and in their place, whereas if we give them the time and the space, not only are they capable, but they are valued for being capable. You have to trust them. »
“I really think there’s a difference between what a child can do and what it’s socially acceptable to ask a child to do,” adds Michael Ungar, who would be surprised to see a show like this. Ci produced in Canada.
“We usually don’t give these roles to children because we don’t believe it’s their job, their function in our society. And we have a network of child protection workers who would step in if a parent was unable to go to the grocery store for groceries and had to send their 2-year-old there. These workers would say this is unacceptable, that your child is in danger of being harmed or that you have put them in danger and that your family needs support. So, institutionally, we take those responsibilities away from our children. »
In Quebec, in order to leave some freedom to the authority and judgment of the parents, the law does not specify at what age you can leave your child alone, without supervision. But a parent who fails to provide “appropriate supervision or guidance” can be found guilty of neglect, within the meaning of the Youth Protection Act.
Neither Michael Ungar nor Stephanie Deslauriers suggests letting young children go to the grocery store alone. However, both agree that, from an early age, children should be involved in the household, whether it’s tidying up their toys, feeding the dog or vacuuming.
We need to rethink how we have excluded children from our families and their true responsibilities and ask ourselves: are we raising the kind of children we want?
Michael Ungar, professor of social work and director of the Center for Resilience Research at Dalhousie University in Halifax
The tasks assigned to them must be commensurate with their abilities, but also, sometimes, lead them to surpass themselves, even take risks.
“The challenge allows for a certain imbalance that is stimulating, motivating, and that will allow the child to adapt, to be proud of himself and to develop new skills,” explains Stéphanie Deslauriers. But when the imbalance is too great, it becomes inhibiting and anxiety-provoking. »
“As part of my work, I have approached the idea of the risk-taker’s advantage,” continues Michael Ungar. The child who is given a reasonable dose – that is the key word – of risks and responsibilities tends to develop greater resilience in the face of future stress. For him, this is one of the lessons to be learned from this series.
Old Enough! is available on Netflix in its original version with French subtitles.