“I got up in the morning, I thought about him, I went to bed at night, I thought about him. »
In her interview, Jeanne* emphasizes that it is difficult to explain why we become madly in love. She’s right. How can we describe these brief moments when sleep is optional? Where does our energy come from the simple proximity of a person who capsizes us? Where nothing exists more than the other?
When we think about it, we smile. We were as crazy as we were alive.
Jeanne probably isn’t smiling. She is one of 17 people who testified as part of the first Canadian study on victims of online romance fraud.
The official report of the investigation – conducted in the psychoeducation department of the University of Quebec at Trois-Rivières (UQTR) and financed by the Quebec Ministry of Justice – was submitted a few days ago.
What I take away from this is that it is time to review the portrait we have of victims who have fallen under the spell of scammers who are rampant on the web.
“They sometimes face an important social judgment,” recognizes the co-director of the study, Charles Viau-Quesnel. They are described as naive, unintelligent, incompetent online, etc. Our data, however, suggests the opposite: these are people who are often educated (nearly half of the participants had a university education), skilled with digital tools and [dotées d’]an excellent ability to present what they have experienced. »
It doesn’t take much imagination to understand the 17 victims aged 40 to 75 who took part in the investigation…
When we feel alone, an amazing person contacts us online, is actively interested in us, is gorgeous and successful to the point of being on a business trip or living at home stranger, we may have difficulty distinguishing between the rare gem and a fraudster.
We must therefore be careful not to blame the victims. They are manipulated by fraudsters who have sophisticated and personalized schemes. If we want to blame them, then it is that of having been made vulnerable by the need for love, affection and listening, a fundamental and universal need.
Charles Viau-Quesnel, co-director of the study on victims of online love fraud at UQTR
Overwhelmed by the attention we all dream of, victims of love fraud offer without counting. Those who took part in the UQTR study lost a lot in the process. Whether it’s time, trust, loved ones or money (some have lost more than $50,000 financially supporting their ghost partner). Almost all of them said they felt shame and felt infantilized afterwards. Some find themselves isolated today. In this context, it is difficult to determine the extent of the phenomenon.
According to analysts from the economic crimes section of the Service de police de la Ville de Montréal (SPVM), 166 files were opened following a complaint of online love fraud, between 2019 and 2023. “We must not neglect that only 5 to 10% of these crimes are reported to the police authorities in Canada, notes however sergeant advisor Sébastien Hébert, of the Prevention and Urban Security Division of the SPVM. We hope that at the end of this research, we will be able to put forward an appropriate intervention model based on the particularities characterizing this type of crime. »
The victims’ testimonies demonstrate a disparity in the interventions of the authorities, as well as those of their loved ones. Since there is no standardized protocol, some cheated lovers feel helpless.
In the first phase of the project, UQTR researchers therefore collected good practices and strategies to avoid from 12 stakeholders who had worked with at least one victim of online love fraud. While there is no single recipe, it seems that confrontation is rarely the best option. The victim could feel judged and isolate themselves more, rather than ending their romantic relationship.
“The danger is that if we fail, the person closes like an oyster,” explains Charles Viau-Quesnel. Will I break the illusion of the person or my relationship with them? »
It’s better to sow doubt by asking questions. “You’ve never spoken to him in person in two months?” It’s weird! He doesn’t have a camera on his computer? »
“It’s hard to reconcile the fact that our lover is a rich engineer abroad, but that he can’t get a webcam that works,” summarizes Charles Viau-Quesnel.
He also advises relatives to introduce tools to the victim. We can sit down with her and show her how to do a reverse image search on sites like Google Image or Yandex.com, to find out if the photos of her flame are as good as real… Or if he doesn’t. It’s not more about shots of an obscure model from Montana.
The work has only just begun for the UQTR team. She has just launched the second phase of the project, which will focus more on the victims’ relatives. Recruitment is also underway, if you feel interested.
Almost all the victims told us that their loved ones had been essential in their approach, whether in the denunciation or the reparation process.
Charles Viau-Quesnel, co-director of the study on victims of online love fraud at UQTR
However, the situation can be confusing for those who see a loved one falling into a fraudulent relationship. The team hopes to better understand their experience and identify possible solutions for the future.
Because tender memories shouldn’t be synonymous with sad traps. No more than we should be ashamed of having believed in love.
Participate in the University of Quebec at Trois-Rivières project
*Fictitious first name, to protect anonymity