“I was no longer able to sleep, no longer able to eat, no longer able to function and for the first time in my life I had suicidal thoughts”: a mother recounts the hell of her postpartum depression, to help other parents get through this.
At the age of 28, Marion gave birth to a premature child. A first birth marked by medical interventions which deprive her of the first moments of happiness she hoped for with her child.
Her morale is holding up, despite the ordeal and the fact that she has suffered from generalized anxiety disorder for many years. An unexpected outcome, when we know that mental health problems are one of the primary risk factors for postpartum depression.
“It’s a bit like injuring your knee. That doesn’t mean we’ll never be able to walk again. We can repair the ligaments, but it is certain that it will be more difficult to do a marathon,” illustrates the psychiatrist specializing in perinatal care at the McGill University Health Center, Dr.D Tuong-Vi Nguyen.
If Marion escapes the worst after her first childbirth, four years later, her world begins to collapse. Pregnant with her second child, she had to stop work at the thirtieth week of pregnancy.
“I was no longer psychologically capable. I was always concerned about the fear that the scenario of my first pregnancy would repeat itself,” says the young mother who did not want to reveal her full name for fear of the reaction of those close to her to her story.
This obligatory break helps him manage his anxiety. Encouraged and happy to have carried her pregnancy to term, Marion has a lot of expectations ahead of the birth. But once the big day arrives, it’s empty.
“When my daughter came out, I didn’t feel anything. I felt nothing. It was really weird. I know it was her and that it had just ended, but it’s as if I hadn’t had the satisfaction I expected after all this rush,” confides the Montrealer, now in her thirties. .
The (too) hard return to reality
When they return home, Marion and her partner must isolate separately with a child due to a virus. The parents have difficulty navigating their new life as a foursome. THE baby blues of Marion, an episode of temporary depression caused by fatigue and hormonal imbalance, is particularly intense.
“For the first time in my life, I had suicidal thoughts,” she admits. I felt disoriented. I didn’t miss my daughter, but I regretted the act of having a second child.”
These thoughts gradually fade, but his anxiety reaches new heights. For the first time, she is taking medication to deal with it. She clings to the fact that Christmas is coming and that her loved ones will be there to give them a helping hand.
A long descent
Once again, Marion’s expectations are not met. Her holiday season is punctuated by viruses and crying fits, so much so that in February 2023, she no longer recognizes herself. She no longer sleeps or eats. She is unable to function and her suicidal thoughts return.
“My biggest fear was that I would be so tired at any given moment that I would do something stupid. That in a moment of discomfort, I shake my baby. I was never close, but it obsessed me. I asked my partner to watch me,” she confides.
Her partner then becomes fully aware of the seriousness of the situation. He takes three weeks off work to help her.
For her part, Marion joins support groups run by mothers on Facebook. She continued her psychotherapy, contacted the help lines dedicated to young parents and called on Espace-Famille, an organization that organizes home visits to offer respite to parents.
All the measures taken by the young mother and her partner have borne fruit. Even if she believes that “something has changed in her”, Marion is “90%” better.
Today she brings this message to future parents.
“No one should return home without support, regardless of the form of support. We all want the little family bubble, the little cocoon of love, but that is not always possible. You have to listen to yourself. Get informed and know where the specialized organizations are before things get out of hand. (…) You can’t have too much help or be too prepared,” she insists.
A catch-all term that is still little-known
About 20% of mothers in the country suffer from postpartum depression, according to the Public Health Agency of Canada. But because of the taboo surrounding it, the condition is highly underdiagnosed. No less than 50 to 70% of women affected by perinatal depression would go undiagnosed, suggests a study published in the medical journal Journal of Women’s health in 2021.
Many women do not recognize themselves in the image we have of “postpartum depression”, which also contributes to this underdiagnosis, underlines the DD Tuong-Vi Nguyen, psychiatrist specializing in perinatal care at the McGill University Health Center.
“We should rather say mental health disorders in the perinatal period. Because there is anxiety, post-traumatic syndrome disorders, compulsive disorders, etc. And when we just talk about postpartum depression, it makes many women and parents feel excluded. They don’t check all the boxes. They tell themselves that they have nothing, because they do not spend their day lying in bed doing nothing and that they have an attachment to their child,” she analyzes.
She also reminds us that postpartum depression is not exclusively female: up to 10% of fathers suffer from it, according to various sources.
More and more distress
Stories of parents who are struggling to function and who wait too long before seeking help, the organizations that 24 hours spoke know many.
“We see that there is really an increase in distress among many parents due to the isolation characteristic of the condition, but also due to social pressure,” says the perinatal advisor at Ressources-Naissances, Geneviève Fortin .
“Being in a society in which we advocate doing everything yourself, being able to get through things without asking for help and organizing yourself, makes parents feel very “It hurts not to be able to get there and to be forced to ask for help,” she laments, while pointing the finger at social networks which convey an idealized image of parenthood.
“Come and get help, but above all, come and talk to other parents who are going through the same thing as you. We have plenty of activities and services, but all that is an excuse for parents to be in contact with each other. To break the isolation,” insists Geneviève Fortin.
IF YOU NEED HELP
Quebec suicide prevention line
aqps.info
Birth Resources
418 834-8085
https://www.ressources-naissances.com/
Perinatal Resource Center Les Relevailles de Montréal
https://relevailles.com/
514.640.6741