Posted at 5:00 p.m.
She never had a stable relationship. Never committed. And has long consumed. Portrait of an “emotional dependent”, simply dependent, who takes responsibility for herself.
Augusta welcomes us in leggings, in the entrance of his north crown apartment building. She doesn’t look her age and she knows it. She never did, actually. Behind her big clear eyes and her angelic gaze, there is nothing to suggest the flayed life she led.
His contagious good humor is probably no stranger to it.
“I had my first relationship at 15, I was really silly, she begins. It was with a guy from my village. I thought he loved me: me, it was love. Him, sex. »
The story of her life, she knows. “I’ve always been looking for love. I know it. I am deficient. Drug addiction is also about emotional dependence, you know…”, says the one who has been abstinent “from drugs and drink” for more than 30 years now. “But once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic, she also knows, I’m never far from my first drink…”
It gives you an idea of the tone, of a statement that will be confirmed throughout, told despite everything with a smile, should we specify.
Augusta then dates a second man, much older than her this time. He must have been 40 years old. “I still thought he loved me, until he told me he was getting married…not to me. »
Then she goes out with two men at the same time, a third, and becomes pregnant. We’re already losing track of who he’s been dating, but Augusta stops us: “Don’t start counting!” she laughs.
Listen, my son, I don’t know the father…
Augusta
Her pregnancy is also a “catastrophe”. “I had to hide, she remembers, I tried to abort with strong mustard, grandmother’s stuff, lucky that I never took a brooch!” »
She ends up taking a train to go to Montreal (“I had never been here in my life!”) and even finds an ex (don’t ask us which one) with whom she stays until the delivery. If they sleep together? ” Yes ! »
And then ? Once the child is born, Augusta goes back to live in her native region, with her sister. She stays there for a few years. “It wasn’t going well…” An old lady takes care of the child, and she begins to work. “And that’s where drug addiction kicked in,” she says. Reboarded? “I started drinking at 15,” she explains. I was quieter during my pregnancy. I was just drinking wine…”
So she starts going out, we understand, a lot, late and too much. Alcohol makes him “lose his head”. “I was no longer responsible. “I remember, I caught crabs. I slept with anyone. I was not protecting myself. But I was really lucky, Silvia. »
She ends up getting married, with an unsensual guy, a story that still lasts five years. If she cheats on him? “En masse, all the time. »
Nevertheless, it was thanks to this man that she returned to school at the end of her twenties. He encourages her and she takes a nursing course, which will finally allow her to have a good career.
When she separates, at the turn of her thirties, Augusta meets the man she calls her “sugar daddy”. “He was in his 60s, he would put $100 on the table for me and I would suck it. […] I found that a bit disgusting. He was old. But she stays with him “a few years”, for one and only reason: “money”.
Of course, she is cheating on him too. ” Yes. But when he found out, it ended right there. »
The years go by and look alike, Augusta continues to go out, consume, make friends, but it never lasts more than two or three years. “I cheat on him, so it breaks. Well yeah. It is I who have deceived much more than men have deceived me. Why, by the way? “My character. I do not know. Maybe emotional dependency? »
I’m looking for love. I’m in love with love…
Augusta
“I never had a stable relationship. I never got involved. I do not know why. »
Still, she drinks so much that she blacks out. She wakes up some mornings and doesn’t remember anything. Even lives some experiences with women without really knowing how. It is there that she says to herself “wo”, and enters, at the end of the thirties, in Alcoholics Anonymous.
Her memories of the (clean) years that followed are hazy. Augusta skips 20 years to tell us about a memorable trip to Africa. She is 60 years old, and she meets a young African 30 years younger. Coup de theater: “we were in love! “, she says smiling, photo in support (where again, she frankly does not look her age). They see each other once or twice a year (“we made love on the phone”), an idyll that stretches over more than 10 years. “I really wanted to have a relationship with him, but I was way too old and wanted children for him. »
Since then, she clearly prefers younger men. “I like their body…” She met another, 10 years younger, and for one of the first times in her life, it was Augusta who was left behind. Her eyes suddenly fill with tears. “I have the motton,” she said. I loved him so much. »
These days, she is dating a married man, whom she met by chance during the pandemic. He is 20 years younger than her, but she knows their story has no future. He will not leave his wife.
So where is she now? “There, I am that I am all alone. And that’s it…”, she replies.
One wonders what the moral of this story might be. “I have great morals. It doesn’t show, huh? But I go to mass every Sunday! adds Augusta, still smiling. Before adding: “The moral is that older women still need sex. They still love sex. That, we had guessed.
* Fictitious name, to protect his anonymity