“They are a little naive, they don’t realize that it’s control”

Statistics on domestic violence among adolescents are rare in Quebec. But workers on the ground are observing an increase and are calling for more awareness.

“It has increased enormously, especially with social networks and everything related to the internet,” notes Valérie Désaulniers, youth worker at La Passe-R-Elle, a resource for women victims of domestic violence in Mont-Laurier. She particularly sees cases of cyberviolence, sexual violence and psychological violence online. The victims are mainly girls, but there are also boys.

Mélanie Carreira Valente, until recently a youth worker at Maison L’Esther in Laval, notes the same trend. The same goes for Crown prosecutor Christine Lambert, who practices in the Gatineau district youth court. “Violence is not only when we are together physically. This translates a lot to the phones they have in their hands all the time. » According to M^e Lambert, it is difficult to determine whether the increase she observes is due to an increase in the number of cases or whether the denunciations are proportionately more numerous.

Threats and control

Valérie Désaulniers and Mélanie Carreira Valente provide training in secondary schools and work with adolescent girls who are experiencing violence in their relationships. Despite their experience, they remain shaken by what they hear.

There was this girl whose boyfriend forcefully held her in bed during a game that was no longer a game. When she wanted to leave him, he got engaged to her. Then he went to tell his victim’s parents: “You will never have her, she is mine.” »

There was this young girl who, after having her hair cut, was told by her chum that she was “disgusting” and “that he wouldn’t sleep with her again”. All this “at an age where they are discovering themselves, where they are trying to create their own styles”, says M^me Désaulniers.

There were many of these guys who threatened their girlfriends to publish their nudessexually explicit photos, all over social media if they broke up.

There was this teenager whose chum demanded that she video call him several times a day to show where and with whom she was and demanded that she identify every voice he heard. She complied “so as not to have any trouble”.

Cases of threats and control on social networks or over the telephone have become so common that those who are victims sometimes do not even realize it.

Love or jealousy?

In schools, Mélanie Carreira Valente asks students if jealousy is a form of love. Because jealousy, she says, is the “nerves of war” in situations of violence among young people.

“Many will answer yes, both guys and girls. »

She then tells them about geolocation. “Is it normal to geolocate your girlfriend or your chum ? »

She still remembers a teenager’s completely transparent response. If his girlfriend doesn’t agree to be geolocated, “she’s definitely up to something.”

Valérie Désaulniers sees the surprise on the teenagers’ faces when she tells them that it is not normal to demand their chum or his girlfriend a conversation on the application FaceTime on each outing “to make sure you’re with your friends” or “to see where you are”.

“They are a little naive, they don’t realize that it’s control, that the other doesn’t trust them. »

The class visits of the speakers sometimes lead to very emotional realizations.

“Afterwards, we have lots of young girls who write to us, who call us, who want dates. Young girls who recognize themselves, who raise their hands. We even had boys who said: “The guy in your story was me. I didn’t realize it,” says Annick Brazeau, president of the Group of Homes for Women Victims of Domestic Violence. “I don’t have any figures, but I can say that when we go to schools, there are houses which set their diaries empty for the next month because they know they are going to have lots of appointments . »

Shelters offer their workshops free of charge in schools. Several schools refuse to free up a time slot for this, deplores M^me Brazeau. “There are schools who tell us they don’t have time. There are schools where a teacher is motivated, but you cannot go to other people’s classes. »

Few numbers

In Quebec, statistics on domestic violence among adolescents are rare and dated. Valérie Désaulniers also sees this as a sign that “governments are not yet focused on this issue”.

The most recent published studies report figures compiled in the mid-2010s. “According to the data we have, half of young people experience, at one point or another in their lives, violence in the context of intimate relationships,” summarizes UQAM researcher and professor Mylène Fernet, who co-authored a chapter on violence in romantic relationships among young people in the latest report on violence and health from the National Institute of Public Health of Quebec.

Does she believe these figures have increased since the last surveys? Hard to say. “The issues are different with the arrival of social media. This is transposed onto digital platforms. Perhaps also that traditionally, we tended to look more at physical violence. Now, more consideration is given to psychological coercion and coercion in sexual life. It can make the problem seem bigger. But I think the good news is that we’re talking about it more, there’s more coming out and reporting. »

A first decisive relationship

Adolescents, our experts say, are particularly vulnerable to domestic violence.

First, explains Valérie Désaulniers, they have no point of comparison.

Then, says Annick Brazeau, their vision is largely influenced by what they see online. “Young people are growing up with what social media, what all our TV shows, what all the platforms show them about what a romantic relationship is, what websites often influenced by pornography show. Young people no longer have examples. They refer to what they see, and what they see, it’s not egalitarian and it’s not healthy all the time. »

This is all the more worrying since adolescents who are victims of partner violence risk being victims of it again. “As soon as you have experienced a violent intimate relationship as a teenager, there is a greater risk that you will experience it again, [tant à l’adolescence qu’à l’âge adulte]violence in the context of a romantic relationship […], says Mylène Fernet. Hence the importance of working on prevention. »

The solution ? Educate, all our speakers respond straight away. “We must educate our young people, everyone, society on what a healthy or unhealthy relationship is,” summarizes Annick Brazeau.