The little sores | Substitutes in daycare: calming separation anxiety

Parenting a toddler comes with its own set of challenges. And it happens that we no longer know where to turn to find answers to these little everyday worries. Once a month, The Press explores an issue that affects the well-being of preschool children with the help of a specialist. Today: what to do when the educator is absent at daycare.

Laila Maalouf
The Press

Little ones who cling to their parents’ clothes in the morning at daycare, seeing a replacement in place of their educator. Bursting crying spells. Sulky, frowning faces that last until the end of the day.

In recent times, many children have had to get used to new faces at daycare, as the pandemic has caused many absences among educators. And for some of them, the moment of separation becomes distressing… and just as trying for the parents, torn to see their child so destabilized.

“In his development, the child needs to be attached to feel good in a context. So, when he is in a context where there is a replacement he knows more or less, it can be a problem, ”says psychoeducator Joanne Parent, who has been practicing for more than 20 years.

Nothing abnormal, in this case, that a young child reacts like this… But how to make the transition from parent to substitute educator go smoothly for the child, when the pandemic context is already causing a lot of upheaval? daily ? And above all, how to prevent this moment from becoming a nightmare for children and their parents?

Even if it is generally children under 3 years old – and especially infants – who react more strongly to the arrival of a new educator, the oldest hypersensitive will also be taken aback by the change, specifies Joanne Parent, since their need for predictability is very high.

“The highly sensitive person has multiple neural connections in their brain, so they’re going to ask a million questions, which will lead to a million concerns, like ‘what does she look like?’ ‘how does she feel?’ call?”, etc. »

Reclaiming parenting power

Parents have every reason to feel helpless or powerless in the face of this situation, which is no longer occasional in some cases. But they still have power, assures Joanne Parent.

Above all, it is necessary to give marks of attachment to the child by maintaining stability around him: for example, it is always dad who drops him off in the morning and mom who picks him up in the evening.

When possible, establish a friendly bond with the substitute educator by talking to her for a few minutes upon arrival so that the child feels secure through this connection.

We can also leave him something that belongs to us (a hair elastic…), she adds, or draw a heart on his hand that will allow him to think of his parent during the day.

“When the child has a fit, it’s his way of letting go of his emotion because something is happening in his body; it’s a storm,” says Joanne Parent.

“If the substitute educator welcomes the children by greeting them with hugs, if she sings, laughs, moves, does potbellied breathing, that will help reduce everyone’s stress, and the children will already be in a state very helpful to spend a beautiful day, ”she notes.

“And if the [parents et les remplaçants] work in this direction, I think we are winning to show children that yes, there are unforeseen events in life, there will always be some, but we risk helping them to get through the adversity far more than one can imagine. »

Are you a parent or grandparent of a preschooler and you want to tell us about a question that concerns you?