Posted at 8:00 a.m.
Geneviève is the mother of three daughters – 4-year-old twins and a 2-year-old. His elders started asking him a lot of questions about love, babies and sexuality: “How did you know that dad was your lover? How do I know I can have a baby with someone? How are babies made? They also talked about the desire to marry each other and did not find her response sufficient when she told them that it was impossible. How do you approach these topics with them? she asks us.
From the age of 3, this is the age of discovery of the difference between the sexes, explains sexologist Jocelyne Robert, who is also a lecturer and author of fifteen books on the subject, including My sexuality from 0 to 6 years old.
PHOTO MARTIN TREMBLAY, PRESS ARCHIVES
Jocelyne Robert, sexologist and author
“In terms of psychosexual development, the child begins to touch himself, he discovers his body. There may be sex games. As a parent, you have to be on the lookout and seize opportunities to talk about it day by day, whether it’s because you catch your child playing doctor or undressing. Toddlers are very focused on anything related to gender difference, genitals, babies. These are normal phases, ”explains the sexologist.
And it is not because we talk about sexuality with them that they will be precocious on this level, she underlines.
Questions for all ages
In his opinion, it is important for parents to do an “examination of conscience” in relation to sexuality: “What did I learn? What can I transmit? What am I uncomfortable with and why? »
Thus, when the child asks questions about sexuality, there is less risk of being caught off guard and reacting from one-off emotions, she specifies, adding that it is precisely to equip parents that she had written her book Talk to them about love and sex.
As parents, we also have the right not to have an answer. That is to say, we can say to the child: “I don’t know what to answer you now, but I promise you that I will get back to you on this tomorrow.” If you’re too destabilized, it’s better to say that, but you have to come back to it the next day or a little later – it’s not a question of dodging the question.
Jocelyne Robert, sexologist and author
Simplicity
We must also be careful not to want to “predict” the questions of a child “to put an end” to this subject which very often arouses discomfort, notes Jocelyne Robert. “If a child asks the question ‘Where does the baby come out of?’ – it is taken for granted that the child knows that the baby is in the mother’s womb – the answer is very simple: the baby comes out through the vagina, period. That’s all. And if the kid has any more questions, let’s go. But if he has no other questions, he is very satisfied with this answer. »
And as he grows, his questions about sexuality will evolve with his age. “The 4-year-old may ask ‘Where does the baby come out of?’ ; the 7-year-old child, “how did he get in?” ; and the 12-year-old will ask “how not to have a baby?”. The subject is always the same, but the interest, concern and need of the child vary. »
As for the question of 4-year-old twins who wonder why they cannot marry each other, Jocelyne Robert believes that it is necessary to emphasize the fact that one can be well with someone without marrying this person and, above all, that you cannot be in love with someone in your family.
“It is sure that the idea of getting married and leaving your sister, it must be disturbing for inseparable twins. But love is reserved for someone we will choose outside the family. The message is very clear right away. That doesn’t mean that the child won’t come back to this question, but the answers must be short and clear, there must be no misunderstandings. »
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