The little sores | A grandmother’s dilemma

Parenting a toddler comes with its own set of challenges. And it happens that we no longer know where to turn to find answers to these little everyday worries. Once a month, The Press explores an issue that affects the well-being of preschool children with the help of a specialist. Today: a grandmother who wonders about a mother-daughter activity.

Laila Maalouf
The Press

Nicole has a granddaughter who will soon be 4 years old. Her daughter-in-law brings her on a “girls’ outing” for pedicure and manicure sessions. “In my mind, I think it’s really too early,” she wrote to us. At 4 years old, children want to play, do role-playing, do crafts, learn to dance… and not do teenage activities with their mother! »

“I have the feeling that she is skipping steps and that really concerns me,” she adds, while wondering if she is not reacting “too emotionally”. “I say to myself: what activities will she do when she is 10 or 12 years old, when she is a preteen? »

The first reaction of Stéphanie Deslauriers, psychoeducator and lecturer, is to wonder if the little one in question has expressed any objection: “Did her granddaughter say she didn’t like doing that with her mother? »

“Girls who are very flirtatious and who like to put on Lypsyl, nail polish, there are plenty of them. It’s not unhealthy, hypersexualizing, inappropriate or inappropriate, ”notes the psychoeducator, who herself has fond memories of the laughter shared with her mother, as a child, when they both put on nail polish.

“Last year, on the show We’ll tell each otherSébastien Diaz had animated with nail polish because his two daughters of 4 and 8 years old had put it on and wanted to put it on dad, ”she underlines.

She points out that there are toy stores that sell non-toxic nail polish for children – and even little boys who see their mothers putting it on and ask for it too. Not to mention that a growing number of salons now offer this type of treatment adapted to children…

“A Moment With Mom”

In her opinion, the activity allows above all to meet an essential need of the little girl, namely that of “spending time with mom” – while assuming that this is not the only activity they do together.

“There is the whole atmosphere that encompasses that: we go out, we put music in the car to go there or we do it at home, we laugh at the same time… There is all that that is important and must be taken into consideration,” emphasizes Stéphanie Deslauriers.

“It is certain that if we treat our children as being older than what they are, it is problematic. If I have expectations of my 4-year-old daughter as if she were 12 or 13, in her behavior, her maturity, that worries me. »

But knowing that the activity is safe and that it will not have any collateral negative impact on the development, well-being and safety of the child, it is therefore nothing to worry about, in his opinion. notice.

According to the psychoeducator, the grandmother would do well to think about what really bothers her in this situation. There are things that the parent will do that may not correspond to the values ​​of the grandparents, she nuances, but they will not be able to intervene as they may wish. “Sometimes you have to adapt as a grandparent,” says Stéphanie Deslauriers.