The Press: Why do we seek to, as you say, “raise our children according to the standards of modern agriculture which produces identical and perfectly calibrated fruits”?
Céline Lamy: We tend to forget that we are little soldiers of a capitalist and individualist system. Children are the future little soldiers of this system and we have no interest in them developing a critical mind because that would no longer correspond to what we are asking, that is to say that they become efficient, productive, competitive, smiling children. A child should neither be too happy, reactive, emotional, nor not enough, because as soon as he goes a little outside of normality, we wonder if he has a disorder or an illness. We worry, we have him evaluated, and we, the child psychiatrists, are told that this child is a problem and that he must be repaired and made compliant. The child finds himself “functionally broken”; this expression evokes a broken object that must be repaired, while children by nature are spontaneous, unpredictable and explosive. Certain behaviors such as agitation and impulsivity or difficulty relating to others are part of children’s development, and they should not be too quickly labeled with an ADHD diagnosis. [trouble déficitaire de l’attention avec ou sans hyperactivité]. If we constantly want to force human nature into a mold, it’s normal that it explodes.
You rightly denounce diagnostic inflation and overconsumption of medications among children in Quebec.
In Quebec, there are some who say that it is because we are more advanced on the diagnostic question, so it would be a glory to diagnose so much ADHD. We would be better than the others… Unfortunately not. There is not enough prevention and when family doctors are faced with young people who are not doing well, they make requests to the CLSC, and the waiting lists to see a child psychiatrist are endless, up to 18 months in some places. During this time, the child’s mental health deteriorates, and we no longer have the choice to prescribe. We find ourselves faced with young people who no longer have self-esteem, who have anxiety disorders, who are depressed and we arrive too late, when we should arrive much earlier. The use of psychostimulants doubled among young people aged 10 to 12 between 2006 and 2014, and they are prescribed three times more in Quebec than in the rest of Canada. There are overdiagnoses of ADHD, while some children simply have learning disabilities, dyslexia or dyscalculia and we don’t see them. They go under the radar, and medication is not going to help a dyslexic child.
Should we rethink school schedules and rhythms?
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Céline Lamy, author and child psychiatrist
Yes. The current eight hours of work do not respect any physiological rhythm of learning. The periods are too long because concentration time fluctuates throughout the day. Why do we make children have to concentrate all day? During breaks, the kids explode in the playground. They come back to class excited, and that’s normal, they have to move! There is no adult who could sit still and listen to their boss for almost eight hours. It’s physiological and it can’t work! In Scandinavian countries, theoretical lessons are favored in the morning and artistic and physical activities in the afternoon.
I hear parents and adults who say: “At the time, we managed it, we were good children. » But we have become completely neurotic adults with performance anxiety! We swallow pills to be able to cope with our lives and we consult psychologists! So yes, we were very smooth children, but at what cost?
Should we go outside and showcase the game?
Yes. We need more dynamic teaching that leaves a lot of room for play and nature by going outside. We know that children learn by playing, and even we adults learn better when we have fun and when we play. The children, when they enter the first year, we tell them: the game is over, we listen and we learn by heart. And when they come home from school, they have homework, and then they find themselves in front of their screens. Parents think that this way they can watch over them and that they won’t get hurt. Inside, the child loses creativity and imagination. Children need nature, to get outside, whether in the park or in the alley.
Are parental expectations too high?
Societal expectations are high and often parents are hit a little too hard. Parents have no choice, because we are constantly in competition and comparison. Parents have expectations that are instilled by a system that tells us: always be the best version of yourself. I see mothers who take their children to do yoga in a foreign language! There is this escalation of parents who will overstimulate their children from a very young age, they will fill them with knowledge like one force-fed a goose.
Do children feel inadequate?
Yes, I see him in consultation. The children say it. “Dad is not proud of me. Mom doesn’t like me the way I am. My parents are only happy when I get good grades. » These children are in external validation, clinging to gratification from their parents who are happy only when they do good things. These children have no right to make mistakes and I see many of them, from all backgrounds, and younger and younger. I see more and more children who are depressed, they are 8 or 9 years old and don’t feel up to it.
You have to slow down, give yourself time…
We are not in the same time frame as our children. We are in the diary and our children hear two phrases: “hurry up” or “wait”. Children’s brains are not built to be in our temporality, since they are a brain of the present moment. We need to slow down, stop being obsessed with the idea of doing well, put down our phone, let ourselves be touched by what is happening around us. We are not going to waste time, on the contrary, we are going to gain quality of life and quality in our relationships. It will also be much better for our physical and mental health, and what’s more, we will gain life expectancy.
The drama of perfect children
Editions Atelier 10
67 pages