I have inherited no supernatural gifts and I have very few certainties in this life. I am all the same convinced that there is a somewhat messy closet in your house. And that at the bottom of this closet are a few boxes of pillows that you drag from move to move without ever really opening them.
Posted at 8:00 a.m.
In the two boxes that I can’t get rid of (although they only add to my clutter) are several artifacts from another life. Family photos, worthless jewelry that I thought was beautiful when I was 13, old show tickets and… all the letters that were written to me. I have a lot of difficulty getting rid of what is handwritten. I even keep uninteresting Post-it notes on which relatives have left me notes.
” I’ll come back later ! »
“Don’t forget to buy milk, please. »
“I know that you are incapable of getting rid of the little notes that are written to you. You will have to keep this one too. »
Moving old love letters is fine. Moving banal Post-its seems less healthy to me… However, I persist in it without really understanding why.
“Fortunately you live in an era where the virtual is very important,” laughed Marc-André Dufour, when I told him about my strange habit.
The clinical psychologist wrote the essay Give yourself the right to be unhappyone chapter of which deals precisely with the refuge that one sometimes finds near objects.
“It’s normal to get attached to birthday cards, a yearbook or family photos. They have sentimental value! If some Post-its are meaningful to you, it’s okay to lug them around, as long as it doesn’t prevent you from closing your closet or it doesn’t take up too much of your time. »
In fact, hoarding becomes a concern when a person is so attached to his possessions that he cannot consider sorting it out.
PHOTO FRANÇOIS ROY, THE PRESS
Psychologist Marie-Ève St-Pierre-Delorme
Compulsive hoarders are extremely perfectionist people. They are so afraid of making a mistake by throwing away something important that they do not see themselves parting with an object. Suddenly it could be useful…
Marie-Ève St-Pierre-Delorme, psychologist
The psychologist was very interested in compulsive hoarding. She has also co-authored a book on this subject, Between mountains and marvels. She explains to me that it is not a question of quantity of objects, but of anxiety at the idea of getting rid of them. In general, however, the condition generates clutter that prevents individuals from functioning normally in their homes. Impossible to take a bath or eat at the kitchen table, for example. They are buried.
Don’t worry, attachment to objects remains natural! It can have several origins: the memories that an article evokes, the fact that one paid to acquire it or even the doubt that it can always be used… “We often see it with the clothes that we keep even if they are no longer worn; I gained weight, but all of a sudden I lost it! »
As for the old boxes that line our storage area, Marie-Ève St-Pierre-Delorme has a very simple explanation: ease.
“Moving is difficult in itself! If things are already in a box, it’s not true that we’re going to sort them out! It’s much easier to just move the box… From move to move. »
“Here, we are talking about an organizational problem, underlines Marc-André Dufour. If we keep boxes full of bills for toasters and warranties for curling irons, it’s probably procrastination. It is understandable ; what a dull task to sort through our box of old stock! You have to discipline yourself and get through the task: put on music, equip yourself with storage bins and set yourself a deadline. We are going slowly. »
But back to my old cousins, if you don’t mind. Why is it so difficult to get rid of the objects that we accumulate over time?
PHOTO SARAH SCOTT, PROVIDED BY MARC-ANDRÉ DUFOUR
Marc-André Dufour, clinical psychologist
When we talk about parting with something, on a small scale, we are in mourning.
Marc-André Dufour, clinical psychologist
It’s uncomfortable, sometimes, to let go.
“Let’s say that we’ve been dragging around an old crooked toy for years, continues the clinical psychologist… What does the idea of getting rid of it come to us for?” I advise you to ask yourself the question and follow this vein to find out where the object fits into your inner life. What load does it carry? Is it nostalgia? Is it security? »
The clinical psychologist gives the example of the old security blanket that many adults leave lying around at the bottom of a box. As a child, it is an object invested with the power to reassure us. When we feel powerless in the face of a world we don’t yet understand, we can hug our comforter and believe we are safe.
“To know what we should keep or not, we have to see what the objects mean to us, sums up Marc-André Dufour.
– It’s interesting ! My Post-its bring me back to those who held them between their fingers, I think.
— Objects have a meaning insofar as one gives them one. If you are personally invested in the fact that someone writes you a note and you want to preserve this trace that another offers you, it makes sense. Even if, for others, it’s crap! »
My old things don’t contribute to the mess, basically. They testify to the passage of my contemporaries. Can you say the same about your closet back boxes?