“This year I learned to play with dolls!” »
On the line, Yannick Lafranchise Giroux, father of four children, including a 22-month-old girl, talks about his new routine with his kids.
For nine months, the forty-year-old has had sole custody of the children, including two of school age, in addition to the baby. Hosted by a community organization in its region, the little family stays focused on an important mission: establishing and maintaining a safe routine. “I was with the children’s mother for 18 years,” says Yannick. There were times when the relationship was tumultuous… I left the family home when there was no established life routine. My youngest was having severe seizures. »
Little by little, with patience, determination and a lot of love, Yannick is getting through it. He is a full-time father; going back to work (he’s in music production) will have to wait. His days are filled with preparing meals, doing loads of laundry, helping with homework, supervising baths and activities with baby, with whom he spends his days. “Every day you have to adapt,” he said. There is a problem and I find a solution. Everything is easier with time, as long as you are versatile and creative. I have to say that I’m quite proud of myself. I congratulate myself on my patience! »
Don’t forget yourself
Patrice Saint-Amand has been there. Father of two children, he has had sole and complete custody for 12 years. Today, his son is 20 and his daughter is 17. “There were difficult times when my boy had severe anxiety and I went to court seven times in eight years… The children don’t “Didn’t always get along well and I rushed to appointments with the doctor, the child psychiatrist, the counselors,” he confides.
Devoted to his children and dedicated to providing them with stability and support, Patrice admits that he “forgot himself in that”. He is now involved in the cause of fathers by leading groups and he dreams of working in the tourist industry. “I got a lot of help and now I want to give back,” says the 58-year-old.
PHOTO PROVIDED BY PATRICE SAINT-AMAND
Patrice Saint-Amand and her two children, Xavier, 20 years old, and Rébéka, 17 years old
My relationship is very good with my children and I am proud of that. I was their lifeline. I would like to tell all single fathers to never give up and to hang on, even in the down times. You are super important!
Patrice Saint-Amand
A network
These words resonate strongly with Jimmy Lambert. Becoming a widower when his daughters were 2 and 4 years old, he sank into depression. His mother supported him for several months, while he “got his mind back”. This was just before COVID-19, a trying time again. “What made the difference for me was my network,” says the 38-year-old IT technician. My friends, my neighborhood and a social worker. She helped me a lot to regain confidence in my authority. I was too soft! Girls needed a father, not a friend. »
What does single-parent fathers need most, according to him? Recognition. And support. “I knocked on every door to get help and access to resources, especially when I couldn’t get it. There’s no shame in that! On the contrary. I always got by and the girls didn’t want for anything. »
More help
According to Raymond Villeneuve, general director of the Regroupement pour la promotion de la paternity (RVP), even if public sympathy towards single fathers has improved, there is still a way to go.
Single-parent fathers should be fully recognized in our collective representations, our public policies and our family services. The organizations to support them are unfortunately not numerous enough to meet the demand and they are distributed unevenly across Quebec.
Raymond Villeneuve, general director of the RVP
An example ? The request for accommodation assistance for fathers and their children in Maisons Oxygène increased from 6,009 requests in 2022-2023 to 7,094 in 2023-2024, reveals Sébastien Trudel, director of development at this organization. This is an increase of 18% in one year.
According to a survey carried out in 2022 by the RVP, 25% of fathers who have experienced a separation in the last five years have a high psychological distress index.
Another gap to fill: the training of staff in the health and social services network. “Staff would benefit from being better trained to support men and fathers who are going through difficult times,” emphasizes Mr. Villeneuve.
Concerns and challenges of separated fathers
Three out of four fathers are worried about the impact of separation on their bonds with their children, including the quantity and quality of time spent with them, and the stability of the family routine. This is what emerges from a survey carried out by the Regroupement pour la valorization de la paternity (RVP) as part of the 12e Quebec Paternity Week and the results of which were published on Monday. Among the highlights of this study for which 574 separated fathers were interviewed, we learn that 11% of Quebec fathers have sole custody of their children and that 64% believe that the justice system is not adapted to their reality and their needs. They leave the family home more often and in 46% of cases, they pay alimony. For 10% of couples who separate, the situation is very conflictual. Better access to justice, more adequate training of stakeholders regarding the reality of fathers and improvement of the living conditions of the most vulnerable fathers are 3 of the 12 strategies suggested by the National Working Committee on Fathers and Separation marital relations in order to improve public policies and help fathers during separation.