This thing has been observed a thousand times. What am I saying: a million times, probably more. Denouncing attacks, naming misogyny, trying to educate to prevent the next #MeToo in a constructive way, even, leads to comments and reactions that embody precisely — and exponentially — what the speeches denounce.
The snake bites its tail, while the man dreams of putting his where he wants, in a woman drugged by her husband or in any “open mouth”, sexualized by his gaze.
For many weeks, I have been plunged into a constant state of astonishment which prevents me from picking up the keyboard because there is so much to digest. Frozen. Because it doesn’t stop.
The Mazan rapes
Like many of my sisters, I am following the trial of Dominique Pelicot. You’d have to be living deep in a cave not to have heard about it. Pelicot, 71, drugged his wife, Gisèle, for 10 years to offer her inert body to (at least) fifty men in their villa in Mazan, southeast of France.
Repeatedly raped, Gisèle Pelicot suffered from gynecological problems and memory loss for years without her symptoms arousing the suspicion of doctors. Her husband of course accompanied her during her consultations.
During the trial, we heard everything. “Three minutes is not rape”; “I am not a rapist,” said men who responded to Pelicot’s call, who invited them to perform sexual acts on his wife, chemically subjected, “without her knowledge.”
This week again, seven defendants were entitled to their personality investigation, including Jean T., 52, a former roofer described as “helpful, courageous and kind”, Redouane E., a nurse in his fifties “with many sexual needs” , and Thierry P., 54, a former mason whose death of an 18-year-old son caused him to fall into alcoholism…
What impact will these investigations have on verdicts and sentences? Hard to say, but these descriptions are received by women as slaps in the face. Attackers are not monsters lurking in dark alleys, we know that. They are our colleagues, our friends, our brothers, our cousins, our husbands. Being kind, helpful, or an alcoholic doesn’t prevent you from doing the worst — nor should it excuse it.
In the case of Caroline Darian, who discovered photos of her taken by the attacker, it was her father, Dominique Pelicot. The story she gives of the affair in the podcast Transfer has everything to shake you up. She denied her connection with Pelicot to the point of ceasing to bear his name.
One slap doesn’t wait for the other
In this return to school of all regressions, we also received the slap in the face of the reform of Compensation for Victims of Criminal Acts (IVAC), under which many victims of assault or violence will see their benefits end on October 14 next, as if traumas had an expiration date; Valérie Plante closed her X account to comments, which earned her a new round of green wood and misogynistic comments; violence against trans people has continued to increase, as has the number of women killed by their partners; Jocelyne Richer published The sex of powerin which 60 Quebec politicians lift the veil on the mansplainingTHE boys’ club and misogyny in politics; Josée Blanchette published Almost virginin which she testifies to the influence of one of her CEGEP teachers, reminding us of a not-so-distant pre-#MeToo era when we did not yet have the words to recognize the aggression, to speak out about the abuse of power , identify the ascendancy that charismatic men exercised over the romantic young women that we were.
Many will have understood that, even when we have been manipulated to make us feel like “the chosen one”, rape is rape. Let’s talk to the 120 “new victims” of Puff Daddy, a sexually violent predator who combined stardom and chemical submission to assault dozens of victims over three decades.
There is reason to be tired, when we have the impression of endlessly tumbling down the staircase of feminism. Many of us are bruised, in body or soul, and I thank all those who speak out to name the horror or injustice and move us forward collectively.
These mouths are made to talk
I have a lot of respect for the work of Léa Clermont-Dion. I talked about his book File a complaint in these pages, from his documentary I salute you bitchAlso. For years, the holder of a doctorate in political science has been increasing the means to denounce and prevent, with kindness, sexual assault and misogyny. She rallies, gives conferences, creates tools, offers concrete solutions (I recommend her podcast Why so much hatred?Moreover).
His latest essay is aimed at teenagers and young adults. Published by Cardinal, in a format with elegant graphics, Hi, how are you? aims to “open the discussion on sexual violence” and to “educate and raise awareness to achieve respectful and egalitarian human relationships”. But one of the author’s black and white photos disturbed certain gentlemen, including the lyricist Stéphane Venne, who saw in the “open mouth” and the “inclined neck” “a well-known sexual code”, “a sort of guest “.
Clermont-Dion denounced this comment on social networks, then, quickly, Laurie Dupont, head of content at ELLE Quebec and the magazine Verotook up the hashtag #BoucheOuverte on Instagram, with a photo of herself in support. More than 200 women followed, as far as Switzerland and Mexico, giving the male gauzeemphasizing that our bodies are neither to be taken nor commented on.
Men also jumped on the train. In the meantime, Venne apologized and removed the tweet under which the violent comments had accumulated, but he did not acknowledge that his comments were misogynistic.
Sisterhood and solidarity appear more and more to me as the only remedies to stand up. By diverting misogyny to make these words our own, #BoucheOuverte is a real empowerment, galvanized by the strength of numbers.
These spontaneous movements of support act like a balm on our wounded feminisms and our setbacks. They give us hope. It’s not so much explained intellectually, it’s experienced. Somewhere in the heart and the body.
Strangely, #OpenMouth has soothed my autumn. I am ready for what comes next, ready to reopen my mouth to speak, to write, alongside you.