Millennials | In the middle of their lives

Born in the early 1980s, the first millennials have reached their forties in recent years, a pivotal age, anchored in the middle of life. How do these new forty-year-olds view their paths so far? From the satisfaction of achievements to fallow dreams, The Press offers a sketch of a journey in half-tones.

They experienced the entry of the Internet into homes, the threat of the Y2K bug and the shock of September 11. Marketing and communications specialists have described this generation as selfish, spoiled and lazy, but also as gurus of cool and masters of the digital world and new technologies. However, by opening the door to quarantine, those born between 1981 and 1984 officially leave youth and its labels behind, seeing the second half of their lives take shape. A fact that often does not align with their feelings. “On a professional level, yes, but on a personal level, no, I don’t feel like I’m 40. None of us feel like we’re 40,” notes Hilary Keithlin, who will soon reach that milestone.

To find out the state of mind of the oldest millennials, The Press invited them, last July, to express themselves on their values, their expectations, their objectives and their challenges. Around 600 people responded to an online questionnaire. While the majority say they generally live according to their desires, values ​​and convictions, some even having left a job to do so, many others face obstacles. At the top of the list, work-family balance, inflation and access to property.

” I try [de vivre selon mes convictions], but it’s not easy. It requires a lot of energy, communication and compromise, especially if you live as a couple with children,” says Francine Truong.

“Guilty and exhausted”

“Millennials in their forties are the generation of guilt,” says psychologist Nathalie Plaat, herself a member of this group. They are caught between the demands of the generations that follow and the values ​​of their parents. We continue to work too much, to be quite materialistic and to promote the capitalist paradigm while denouncing it. »

While many of these are at the peak of their careers or pursuing studies at the same time, a large proportion of those who are also parents must raise young children they had in their thirties. “We’re talking about impossible weeks in terms of hours. To be able to carry them out, they often cut back on other aspects: sleep, food, leisure, relationships, etc. », underlines sociologist Maria-Eugenia Longo.

Even so, most feel accomplished. Almost every testimonial obtained mentions either the pride of a fulfilled family, or professional success, or the feeling of making a difference. However, there are few who have not confided certain dissatisfactions at the same time.

“They work to maintain an interesting socio-economic status and, at the same time, they work to do meaningful things so as not to feel guilty. They don’t have time to do both. […] », Estimates Nathalie Plaat.

“It doesn’t surprise me that someone can call themselves happy without being accomplished, because they lack time. But it is not contradictory. We are not just reduced to workers or parents or students. We are many things at the same time,” believes Maria-Eugenia Longo.

“Agreeing to be “good enough” in life is difficult,” says Gabrielle Picard, who has just turned 40. Of course, I would like to consume less, produce less waste, pollute the planet less. At the same time, should I put this on myself, when it should be a collective effort? Eat well, sleep well, have well-functioning children, have a beautiful home…Pinterest standards. »

An extension of youth

“I like to say ironically that I am at my peak… and at the beginning of decline,” Marc-David Rhéaume wrote to us to summarize reaching midlife.

If this milestone marks approximately the midpoint of life according to the average life expectancy of Quebecers, millennials reject the term “age mature”, the French equivalent often suggested for “middle-aged”. “You can’t be middle-aged when you’re still changing diapers, right? », asks Alice Dufour Thériault, 38 years old.

Sociologist Maria-Eugenia Longo emphasizes that we are observing in the West “a lengthening of youth” which is characterized by an extension of transitions from the passage to adulthood which are entry into the labor market, the basis of a family and the purchase of a first property.

Thus, 40 is often no longer the age where we enjoy the fruits of our efforts, but it remains a time conducive to questioning and making life changes.

Psychologist Nathalie Plaat deals with this “midlife crisis” regularly in her office. “Even if life expectancy continues to increase, there is still this idea of ​​the environment. We are starting to feel the end of our constantly renewable energy and there is the big question of the finiteness that is coming […] either we start to lose parents, or we already have friends who may be affected by more serious illnesses. So that begs the questions: what do I do with the rest of my life? Am I consistent with my values? »

Among older millennials, this questioning manifests itself in “being” rather than “doing,” as was the case for their predecessors. The midlife crisis is today a crisis of meaning, notes Nathalie Plaat, for whom this questioning is less individualistic than that experienced by previous generations. “One thing that characterizes the millennial midlife crisis is that we have also taken the capitalist route, but with a really strong awareness that it destroys the planet, that it has an impact on our children, so we really don’t I don’t have the luxury of not thinking about it. »

Concern for the future and the impact of climate change has also been mentioned several times by people who responded to our questionnaire. “I am making several personal efforts, but I have the feeling that I should get more involved in collective actions,” writes Elise Tremblay Gonthier. Maintaining hope for the future of my children is a challenge while climate change and the future of the planet worry me greatly. »