Mickael Bergeron | retuning the masculine

Too few men speak out publicly on issues of gender equality and so-called toxic masculinity, laments essayist Mickaël Bergeron. He delivers his thoughts in Cocorico – Guys, we need to talka work with a friendly tone in which he encourages his peers to get involved in building a fairer and healthier society for all.

It is not people in positions of power who push for things to change, underlines Mickaël Bergeron at the start of his essay Cocorico – Guys, we need to talk. The crowned heads did not lead the French Revolution and the rich entrepreneurs do not militate for unionization. It is therefore not surprising, according to him, that men have not been at the forefront of the social transformations of recent decades, often the result of struggles led by women.

There are men, to whom we affix the label “masculinist”, who deplore the loss of power of men in society and in intimacy. Mickaël Bergeron, also a columnist at The gallery, is not one of them. After laying out facts and statistics about gender inequality, men’s violence — not just against women — and men’s distress, he concludes one simple thing: it’s not okay.

He also notes that it is still women who, today, raise questions about male behavior. “What I deplore is not the leadership of women, he writes, but the lack of leadership by men. It is to move from thought to action that he writes his essay and also to “fill a hole in the public debate”.

“There are topics I talk about that have been talked about for a long time by feminists and I didn’t want to speak on behalf of women, or appear to be speaking on behalf of women. That’s why it was important to point out that I’m a guy who wants to talk to other guys,” he says.

In spare parts

His essay takes the form of a series of short texts in which he wonders as much about the violence of men as about an expression like “Boys will be boys”, about the length of the penis as well as the size of the muscles. of Thor, on homophobia as on virility in 2023. He sometimes refers to pointed texts, but more often, he finds food for thought in popular culture (TV, cinema, pop music) and situations everyday.

What emerges, among other things, is the narrowness of the model to which many boys or men believe it is necessary to conform in order to enter the club of masculinity. He does not blame the boys individually, rather the values ​​still transmitted by upbringing (at home or at school) and culture. “It creates boxes that are not necessarily comfortable for boys, as for girls. If growing up you stifle a part of yourself, it does not help to be well and happy. And when you’re not well, that’s when you develop behaviors that can be toxic, ”he says.

There is a discourse intended to encourage girls to ignore stereotypes (to practice a traditionally male profession, for example) and to be true to themselves. It doesn’t fix everything, but it does exist. Could it be that boys also benefit from being told that they can’t just make what they want, but be what they want ?

“I think it’s missing, agrees the essayist. There is a lack of diversified models in the way of being and the moment we present a model that is a little off the mark, it easily shocks or scandalizes. »

Free yourself from masculinity

Mickaël Bergeron is not one of those who think that masculinity must be “redefined”. Rather, his essay is about breaking free from the restrictive constructs and labels that men (especially) lock other men into. No, he does not believe for a moment that the emotional or behavioral issues experienced by men are the fault of women in general or of feminists in particular.

One of the interesting aspects of his reflection is to broaden the debate by questioning the romantic relationships presented to men and women through cinema and pop music. An often unhealthy model, according to him. He also wonders about the general lack of sexual and relational education. “The way we manage our relationships in general affects our romantic, family and professional relationships,” he says.

The essayist has the courage of his ideas: he evokes personal experiences to illustrate relational difficulties or talk about consent. His posture is never that of the giver of lessons, which keeps him away from certain guilt-inducing speeches. “I thought it was important to share my experiences to say: I’m no better than you guys, I’m in the same boat,” he explains. We are all concerned. »

In bookstores on January 31

Cocorico – Guys, we need to talk

Mickael Bergeron

All in all

223 pages