Rebecca Makonnen had no idea the magnitude of what she would unearth by retracing the history of her family and its origins, for her first literary project, In my bloodwhich is appearing in bookstores these days, nor what these discoveries could have as consequences on his identity and his vision of the world.
These disturbing revelations could have made her turn back, but the host held her ground, she exposed her train of thought, brought her vision into collision with those of other women from marginal backgrounds, and continued the process. of truth in which she had committed herself, against all odds.
In my blood was first born from a desire to pay homage to his parents; a doctor of Ethiopian origin, who died when she was only 2 years old, and a Quebecer who grew up in Saint-Quentin in a small county of Restigouche, New Brunswick. “Ten years after my mother’s death, I wanted to highlight the remarkable and improbable nature of their lives; a way for me to ensure that they will not be forgotten. In doing so, however, I was obliged to expose myself, to reveal a secret that I had carried for a long time. But, I think I was there, in my life and in my career. I had a need for truth and integrity. »
Rebecca Makonnen therefore reveals from the first pages of the book the particular circumstances of her arrival into the world. “One evening, while [ma mère] had gathered her courage and her strength to announce to her husband that their love was over, their relationship ended, that she wanted to return home, to go the other way, he would tell her that he had cheated on her when she returned in Canada for a few months. He had an affair with a colleague. An error of judgment, that’s what I decided a long time ago. […] I was born from this bullshit. Mom, against all expectations, wanted me to be with her, with her and at her home straight away. »
Redefining family
By tracing the course of her origins, the host was not aiming for a reconnection with her biological family, even less for a settling of scores. On the contrary, In my blood is above all a great love letter, a recognition of the strength, the resilience and the determination which led to the atypical destiny of his parents, an invitation, above all, to think of family differently. “By making my story public, I very humbly thought that it could help certain people feel less alone, to free up a certain amount of speech, to demonstrate that adulterous children have nothing to be ashamed of” and can be free, in some way, to redefine their own lineage, their own narrative.
Thus, Rebecca Makonnen repeatedly reiterates the emptiness, for her, of blood ties; a conviction that will be shaken, then strengthened, by the shocking discoveries that pepper his quest. “I only have one mother, Virginie Michaud, even if she did not give birth to me. »
To support her argument, the author relies in particular on the biographical essay A chocolate doll (Remue-ménage, 2021), by Amandine Guay, which explores the issue of transracial adoption and highlights the importance of deconstructing the myths of blood ties and parental exclusivity that underlie the family model Western nuclear power. She also returns to her exchanges with the Inuit artist Elisapie, adopted at birth by her grandfather’s cousin, given as a gift to a couple who could not have children; a tradition in his community.
“I needed to talk to people who have a different vision of family, to understand that blood ties are a hierarchy that we ourselves have imposed culturally. When I was little, I was overcome with shame, feeling like I was a constant reminder of my father’s mistake. Yet my mother never questioned her love. It was my sister who allowed me to understand that my outlook was very Western, to turn to other cultures to see how others do things according to their challenges. I came away with a much clearer and richer vision. »
An open reflection on the world
Rebecca Makonnen’s story is interspersed with the works and reflections of artists – especially women – who have encountered similar challenges – including Sarah Polley, Rose-Aimée Automne T. Morin and Neige Sinno. It also reflects research on Ethiopia and the cultural and political reality that his parents were confronted with, as well as the traumas linked to it. All of this allows a very personal story to take root in the universal, to begin a reflection that is much more nuanced and profound than biographical.
“I am a very rational person, and to understand what is happening to me, I need to reframe it, to theorize it, to intellectualize it, and it is often the words and images of others that have helped me to see it more clearly. The book follows the thread of my thinking and research, and I wrote the events as they happened. I didn’t think of it as a page turner or as an essay, it’s really a logbook. »
The most difficult thing for the host was perhaps to say the word “end”. Because his story, basically, has no real conclusion. “When do you stop thinking about the death of your parents? I think I found some peace when I met Sarah Polley when she came to Montreal. She told me that I could stop, that I held the keys to deciphering what happened next, but that I could let it all settle. I give myself the right to change my mind, but for now, it’s over. Anything I haven’t revealed belongs to my family and me, and it’s now up to me to decide what I’m going to do with it. »