in Paris, support groups for those disappointed with dating apps

For some singles, going through dating sites and apps goes beyond a bad experience. Now they can get together to talk about it without judgment.

There are 18 million single people in France, according to INSEE. And many of them have tested a dating application or site. To the point that some develop “dating fatigue”, a concept born in the early 2020s and popularized by journalist Judith Duportail. Like professional burnout, it’s a weariness of dating apps finding a soul mate.

To combat the distress and loss of confidence sometimes generated by these apps, disappointed people are organizing small support groups in Paris, based on the Alcoholics Anonymous model. After a first meeting in June, the second was held on the evening of Tuesday October 2, at the initiative of a Parisian entrepreneur who is writing a book on the subject.

In the room, the chairs are arranged in a circle. The ambiance is relaxed, with bottles of wine and appetizers arranged in the middle. “In 17 years, I have tried all the sites”says a participant. “Tindr lost 6% of its members last year, it’s no coincidence. There is beginning to be an awareness, a feeling of being fed up”, explains Arnaud Poissonnier. The Parisian entrepreneur had the idea of ​​these meetings after ten years of “dating” and it is he who leads the debates.

Delphine, a fifty-year-old, ensures “no longer believe what is written on the internet at all”.

“It damages us humanly. And I even describe dating sites as exploitation of human misery. Men and women who are lost and who cannot find a solution in real life.”

Delphine, discussion group participant

at franceinfo

At 52, Anne-Sophie testifies to her disillusionment. “My problem is that they want to go to bed straight awayshe said. I make it clear to him that I had a good evening and that I would be happy to see him again. And behind that, nothing is happening anymore, I have no more news.” She confidede “been in complete abstinence for two and a half years”.

Julien is 30 years old, he is the only man in the group and is not very talkative, but he says that during discussions on dating applications, he felt the same pressure as for a job interview. “For men, there are physical, social status and financial criteria…”he believes. On this subject, Louisa Amara, host of the podcast for four years Single Jungleon assumed celibacy, recounts this anecdote: “A young man told me : ‘Don’t mind, I went to eat before. That way, there’s no risk of you asking me for food.”

Cheatings, infidelities “fairly easy to spot”some say. But also more violent microaggressions: “I’ve already been told: ‘You’re charming but you should lose a size or two before the first date’ or ‘What are you doing on this app ? Lose 20 kilos and come back. It really saddened me.”

“It was mentally tiring because I was devoting energy and time to it. I ended up going to see a doctor.”

Louisa Amara, host of the “Single Jungle” podcast

at franceinfo

“I ended up going to see a psychologist and I told her : ‘I just want to talk about the crappy encounters I have. My family is okay !'”she says. Today, she says she has given up on relationships and motherhood, and says she thrives with regular lovers… met in real life. This will undoubtedly be discussed again at the next meeting, scheduled for December 10.