“I’m afraid that others will lose their companions again and again”, the acute pain of war widows

In almost two years of war in Ukraine, tens of thousands of women have been widowed. “I try to cry when I’m alone,” admits one of them, a mother of two children.

“My husband is red, very energetic, he can’t sit still”. When Krystina describes her husband, Andreyi, it is disturbing because she speaks of him in the present tense. Krystina is, however, a war widow. The death toll of Ukrainian soldiers since the start of the war is kept secret by the authorities, who do not want to damage the morale of the nation. This figure is estimated at 30 000 by Ukrainian associations, but it could rise to 70 000 soldiers dead, according to an investigation by the American press published this fall.

For the families and spouses of these fallen soldiers, it is a painful journey. The end-of-year holidays and concerns for the future of Ukraine make him even more bitter, as for Krystina, in kyiv. In the crook of his arm is a tattoo with a word “which means ‘wanderer'”, Andreyi’s nom de guerre. There is also a trident, the symbol of Ukraine and a poppy, that of dead soldiers.

Andreyi, known at Dnipro University, had seen the war coming. “He joined from the start, without military experience, she says. He understood that something was going to happen, and he told me that if war came, he would join the Ukrainian army. Of course I cried”. Having become a sniper, Andreyi was on the southern front, in Zaporizhia when, last summer, Krystina received the news : “He was killed by artillery fire. His body remained on the battlefield for four days”.

“We identified him with his tattoo. His comrades in arms managed to recover his body. That way, I was able to have him buried.”

Helped by associations helping families of dead soldiers, Krystina navigates by sight. It will take months before the one-time allowance paid to widows by the State, which is overwhelmed with files, arrives. Interpreter, he will also have to compensate for the shortfall in the household, with two children aged 13 and 7 years of education.

“I can’t cry when there are people around, nor in front of my children, she confides. I try to cry when I’m alone. It seems that it is like waves. We don’t know what will trigger crying. My children are the same but we can’t talk about our emotions. My son is regressing, he acts like he’s 3 years”.

The counter-offensive launched this summer is paralyzed. At the front, the men are tired. Weapons are lacking, as are personnel. It would take 500 000 more men according to the Ukrainian president himself. “I’m afraid of losing my country. I’m afraid that others will lose their companions again and again. Many of our dead husbands said : ‘Who will go to war if I don’t go ?'”explains Krystina as this war will soon enter its third year.