Faking an orgasm, undertaking a gesture or action without telling the other person (or others), judging a partner’s fantasies: a sexologist reveals things we should never do in the bedroom to sleep.
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Being stuck in routine
It’s often a good thing to break the routine in bed and diversify your sexual practices, underlines sexologist Myriam Daguzan Bernier.
Not only is it a way to vary your erotic imagination, but it also allows you to maintain desire and better navigate through unexpected events, for example a child who wakes up when you had planned to make love. If we always have the same routine, we may have trouble getting “back into it”, while if we are more flexible we can resume the session more spontaneously when the circumstances are right.
However, that doesn’t mean you should ALWAYS try new things. The key word: don’t put too much pressure on yourself!
Simulate an orgasm
Generally, faker an orgasm “is not a good idea”, underlines the author of All naked! The caring dictionary of sexuality.
“It often hides discomfort or a lack of self-confidence,” she explains. As a sexologist, if the issue is highlighted in practice, I will ask the person where this desire to simulate comes from and what need it fills.
But be careful: “It’s okay not to have an organ,” insists Myriam Daguzan Bernier. You shouldn’t put unnecessary pressure on yourself.”
Having too specific goals and being disappointed
In a relationship, partners often do not have the same sexual desire. It is therefore better to avoid setting a precise objective on the frequency of sexual intercourse that you wish to have.
“When children enter the scene, it changes things a lot,” cites the sexologist as an example. It’s not that it’s bad to have a goal to achieve, but it can put pressure on your shoulders. And if it is not achieved, you will believe that you are not succeeding in your sex life.
“It’s a question of fluidity and adaptation with one’s partner(s),” she adds.
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Judging each other’s fantasies
If a partner confides in you one of their fantasies, avoid judgment.
“If the fantasy is something a little left field or unusual, it is certain that being judged risks being very offensive, because when we name these things, it is very vulnerable », remarks Myriam Daguzan Bernier.
That doesn’t mean you can’t talk about it. You just have to do it with respect. For example, you could tell him that his fantasy makes you a little uncomfortable, while thanking him or her for sharing it with you.
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Don’t discuss your sex life
We often say it, but “communication is super important”. We should therefore not be embarrassed to discuss our sex life as a couple or with our partners.
“The goal is not to go and scratch the boo-boo together, but to communicate well about what we like or don’t like and how it works in our relationship. It doesn’t need to be a signed contract,” explains the 43-year-old sexologist.
In the case of non-monogamous or polyamorous relationships, this is even more important. A lack of communication can indeed lead to jealousy or insecurities.
“PHOTO Julie Artacho”
Myriam Daguzan Bernier, sexologist and author
Try something new without talking about it
If you want to initiate sex or try something new, talk about it beforehand. Each partner must consent to sexual activity.
Myriam Daguzan Bernier remembers a person who had undergone anal penetration against their will.
“The person had been very traumatized by this thing,” explains the sexologist. She didn’t feel safe with the partner, because there was also a certain violence that accompanied the gesture.”
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