Gender queer, trans non-binary, gender-fluid … who are they? Meeting with non-binary people

On Wednesday November 17, Le Robert added the pronoun “iel” to its online edition and caused a controversy. He is the pronoun used to designate themselves by people who consider themselves to be non-binary, that is to say neither totally male, nor totally female. This concerns 22% of 18-30 year olds, according to an online Ifop survey carried out in November 2020 among 1,006 people.

These non-binary young people can easily be seen at university in Paris, Champs-sur-Marne or in Caen. Camille, Mahé, Lisbeth, Karol and Léana… All consider themselves non-binary, and each in their own way. “I would say that in fact, I’m a human being. There are days when I feel like a man, days when I feel like a woman, days when I don’t feel like either of the two.”, defines Camille. “I consider myself to be gender queer, it is part of the non-binarity”, explains Mahé. Lisbeth considers herself “non-binary trans. I do not recognize myself in the social categories of men and women. They are categories that enclose”, he said. “I am gender fluid. My gender fluidifies between the feminine gender and the neutral gender. I consider myself rather agenre”, specifies Karol.

Agenre, gender neutral, neither man nor woman, half man half woman… The nuances are numerous with one thing in common among those we met: this non-binarity was felt from childhood. “Since elementary school, already, I asked myself a lot of questions vis-à-vis that. I was given a lot of comments on my way of dressing, I was already confused a lot with a boy when I was small, explains Mahé, 20 years old. At first, it didn’t work for me. It is from the moment when, when I wanted to do things, I was hindered because I was born a girl, to play football with the boys, to play ping-pong tournaments when I was in college… C ‘is from there that I said to myself: no, there is a problem. “

A feeling of discrimination, of not “falling into the boxes”… Mahé discovered the word non-binary in high school through a friend, then through social networks. She finds herself there and also sees a political significance in it. “Society has imposed extremely narrow and precise codes that would put women on the side of the weak and men on the side of the strong. Except that’s not how I see life at all., notes Mahé. All these codes, if we abolished them all one by one, there would no longer be this problem of ‘you are woman’, ‘you are man’, ‘you are non-binary’. I don’t think there would even be a need to say that we are non-binary anymore. “

Non-binarity is expressed in different ways. Mahé, for example, carefully maintains an androgynous look, short hair and compressive bra to reduce her breasts, but also makeup and jewelry. Some have changed their first name, opting for names that are less gendered in their eyes such as Lisbeth, Karol and Mahé, who also pays attention to the rest of the language. “When I introduce myself to someone, explains Mahé, this person asks me for my pronouns. I say it’s gonna be he, she and he. When I speak of myself, I speak in neutral. The little technique is to say: ‘I am a person who’, so we match the adjective with ‘person’, or ‘someone’. That is to say, it will be granted to the masculine or to the feminine depending on that word and not in relation to us “.

These non-binary young people largely disconnect this question from their gender and that of their sexual orientation. Most of those we interviewed say they are bi or pansexual. This is the case of Lisbeth, 25 years old: “I’m not attracted to a person’s genitals or physical appearance but to the person themselves. I might be romantically or sexually involved with these people if the feeling passes.” If Lisbeth wonders about the advisability of hormonal treatment, it is not really a subject for others.

In those around them, their non-binarity is rather viewed with benevolence, these young people say, in particular by their friends. At university, many teachers also accept their usual first name. But it’s often more complicated with parents, explain Camille and Léana. “To make them accept my sexual orientation, I spent five years based on rejection, ‘it’s against nature’, etc. confides Camille. So, non-binarity is really not possible. For them it’s new, it’s a young fad. ” “My family is very open to transidentity, Léana shares. But I have the impression that non-binarity is a topic above, and I’m not sure they would understand. “

Fear of misunderstanding, of a generational gap on this issue … For Karol, with a degree in literature, state recognition would make things easier. “It would give me more self-confidence, it would allow me to say that my existence, my identity is legitimate in the eyes of society and the law. It would also help people make their families understand more easily. For example, a ‘neutral’ mention on the ID card, that would be great. “ This neutral genre is already recognized in Australia, India and New York. In Belgium, the government has just announced that it wants to remove the words ‘male’ or ‘female’ from identity cards, as is already the case in Germany.