Why propose a new model of parenthood?
Specialized in perinatality and early childhood, Mélanie Bilodeau has created, in recent years, more than 80 videos on positive parenting. “I’m caring parenthood, that’s for sure. That’s what I’ve been offering for years,” said the psychoeducator who has just published her second book, in a telephone interview. Be your toddler’s expert. In parents who have tried to apply this approach, however, she has noticed a certain guilt. “I’ve met a lot of parents who say, ‘I don’t think I can do it. This model is not for me. I am not capable of being a 100% benevolent parent. I get on my nerves. I am impatient. I’m irritable,'” she says. His conclusion? “There are a lot of misinterpretations of what kind parenting is. She continues: “As a professional, I asked myself a lot of questions about what I could offer parents to make it clearer, to take some pressure off them, while responding adequately to the needs of the child. ‘child. Based on the latest research in the field, she developed the reassuring parenting model.
PHOTO PROVIDED BY MÉLANIE BILODEAU
Mélanie Bilodeau, psychoeducator
What is a secure parent?
Mélanie Bilodeau first wants to make one thing clear: no, mothers and fathers do not need to be perfectly caring for their toddler to develop healthily. It can happen to all parents to raise their voices, lose patience or not listen to what their little one is feeling. “The important thing is not to be 100% benevolent all the time. It’s impossible ! The idea is to be reassuring,” she believes. “What we want is for the child to develop a secure attachment which will then push him to trust himself and to trust the world”, continues the psychoeducator, who also spoke about this bond of attachment in her bestseller Be your baby’s expert. How to get there ? In her book dedicated to toddlers, Mélanie Bilodeau presents 11 levers on which parents can rely to better support their child in his development. “Educate rather than discipline”, “build a co-parenting alliance” and “secure without overprotecting” are three examples. This approach is not a “ready-made recipe”, however, she warns in the first pages of the book, in which she also invites parents to follow their instincts.
What element should parents here improve to be more reassuring?
When asked which of the 11 levers is generally the most neglected by Quebec parents, Mélanie Bilodeau hesitates. In his eyes, one element prevents them both from “decoding the need behind the behavior” of their child and from “welcoming [s]es emotions”: adultomorphism, or the fact of “defining the child, interpreting it and perceiving it as being a mini-adult”. “We lend him adult intentions, while he does not have the brain maturation to react and think like an adult. I find that this is very much the challenge of our society right now,” she explains. An example from the book? A toddler who does not want to taste what he has on his plate is not capricious. He may not be hungry or may not recognize the food being served to him. “To say that a child has whims, that he manipulates us, that we should not give in to his blackmail, all of that is adult interpretation. The child is not his intention. Never. He’s way too small for that. »
What is an Aircraft Carrier Parent?
We are well aware of the notion of the parent-helicopter who overprotects his child, but what about the parent-aircraft carrier, an analogy invented by the French child psychiatrist Nicole Guédeney and taken up by Mélanie Bilodeau in her book to illustrate one of the levers safe parenting? “The aircraft carrier is available for aircraft to drop off at any time. The plane will walk in a perimeter where it is certain to have access to the aircraft carrier to be able to have supplies, to get fuel, to then better explore. […] It’s the same for children,” explains the psychoeducator. “If I hurt myself, will my parent be there to comfort me? To cure my little sore? To give me a hug? “, she gives as an example. By showing themselves to be “available, accessible and sensitive to their child”, the parent nurtures a reassuring bond of attachment with him. “This is what will allow the child to have relationships that will be healthy in life,” says Mélanie Bilodeau.
Be the expert of your
tiny
Melanie Bilodeau
Editions Midi Trente
237 pages