former harassed students recount their intimate wounds

They suffered repeated verbal and physical violence. In every corner of the playground. In class. Sitting alone in the canteen. Behind the CDI books. In the sports locker rooms. In the toilets. And, for some, on social networks. The harassment they suffered left a red brand on them. Time has soothed the wounds, but the bad memories remain vivid.

On the occasion of National Anti-Harassment Day, Thursday November 9, six adults spoke to franceinfo. Harassed during their schooling and now out of this spiral, they are rebuilding themselves, still damaged and wanting to be able to help those who are still being bullied by their classmates.

If the government unveiled an interministerial plan at the end of September to fight this scourge, its full implementation will be done in stages. According to a recent Senate report, 6% to 10% of students are currently victims of harassment.

Matisse, 29 years old: “In sport, I was the last selected”

For Matisse, there was a trigger. “I was chosen as the lead ballerina for a school performance. I felt this sparked jealousy”, underlines the young woman. In CP class, she suffered from dyslexia, which also caused her to be sidelined. “In sports, I was the last selected. In the yard, people threw stones at me, they insulted me”, relates Matisse. At that time, she did not dare to tell her parents: “My brother also had academic problems, so I backed away.” At college, she finds most of her harassers. “In the canteen, on my birthday, everyone shouted: ‘Who cares!’ And no adults intervened.”she remembers with emotion.

“It was also the beginning of cyberbullying. They took over my Skyblog because my former best friend knew the password.”

In second grade, Matisse confided in his parents. “I had depression because I suddenly let go of everything. I went to see a psychologist. The medication helped me get better”, she says. Because her mother is a high school teacher, the harassment also subsides. Matisse now fears that his two-year-old daughter will suffer the same fate. “She won’t start school until next year, but I already know that I’m going to have difficulty managing it on a daily basis. The goal is not to be intrusive, to transpose my anxieties onto her. . But I want to protect her.”insists Matisse.

Pierre, 32 years old: “I had big trust issues”

“Big head”this is the nickname that followed Pierre throughout his schooling. “I had a bigger head than others for a long time due to health problems”, contextualizes the thirty-year-old. At school, his gloves, hat and scarf are stolen at every recess. We make fun of his clothes “not fashionable enough”. In college, harassment becomes more “serious”. There are these insults: “Get out, you stink” Or “You’re ugly, you’re useless”. There are all these balloons that “gets in the face” during sports class. His kit which ends regularly “in the toilet”.

Her mother alerted the teaching team, to no avail. “I have a certain anger towards the teachers. Putting forward the argument of 35 students per class is bad faith”, laments Pierre. At the same time, he joined a theater club and invested in a show on Mouv’.

“The radio saved me a little. There was also a listeners’ forum, where I registered and made friends.”

As an adult, although free from all forms of harassment, Pierre goes through “a complicated period”. “I’ve had big trust problems, relationship problems too, and in the world of work. It’s getting better, but I haven’t had a romantic affair since I was 18”, illustrates the thirty-year-old. He listened carefully to the government’s announcements to combat school bullying. “VS’is historic, because there has never been such progress on this subject”, remarks Pierre. And to warn: “OWe’ll see at the start of the next school year to judge on the evidence.”

Elian, 21 years old: “Some teachers didn’t react”

He created the Urgence Harcèlement association to help those who, like him, experienced hell at school. Elian, 21, assures that his story is “closed”. But he hasn’t forgotten the pushes and insults, “in the courtyard, on the networks”. Having fully accepted his homosexuality since the third grade, he was authorized, at the start of the second year, “to go to the girls’ bathroom to be quiet”.

But one day it happens “yell at” by the principal, who was not “not up to date” of this measurement. After this episode, he changed establishments, in which he found “happiness, open-mindedness and security”. He now campaigns to free speech, but also deplores the inaction of teachers: “Some saw it and didn’t react!” Elian was recently appointed ambassador for the fight against school bullying by Gabriel Attal, the Minister of Education.

Leslie, 49 years old: “Harassers are often average students”

Leslie*, 49, was born with a motor disability which prevents her from walking properly. “From primary school, I was subject to nicknames and mockery. In middle school, it was ‘Sidney’, in reference to the host of a TV show [“H.I.P. H.O.P”, diffusée sur TF1 dans les années 1980] who had a wobbly gait”, says Leslie. Third, she “falls from the clouds” when she learns that this nickname was given to her by a comrade whom she considered to be her friend. One day, another student asked him: “Why didn’t your mother have an abortion when she knew you would be disabled?”

Shortly before the end of middle school, she decided to say “stop”. In English class, a boy has fun dropping his pencil case. Once. Twice. Thrice. “I smashed her on the table and said: ‘Now that’s enough!'”, relates Leslie. This rebellion “was crucial in turning the tide.” She remembers that “the big guys in his class” looked at him with respect. The harassing student took two hours of detention. “The profile of the harassers is not what we imagine: they are often ‘ordinary’ students”, she adds based on her experience. In high school, his classmates, more “mature”, leave her alone. But his final way out was higher education: “I filled my head with knowledge and wrote a thesis on disability in literature.”

Kimberley, 20 years old: “The Cned was a liberation”

After living for several years in New Caledonia, Kimberley returned to Finistère in CE1, in a small private school. At the start of the school year, the teacher invites the students to talk about their vacations. “In front of everyone, she told me that I was lying, because I had not mentioned New Caledonia. With this sentence, she in a way gave permission to others to persecute me”, believes Kimberley. His harassment then increased to a crescendo, with physical blows from several students and bruises on the body, enabled in part by the inertia of his teacher and the principal. She ended up changing schools the following year, but found her main tormentor during extracurricular activities.

“He never stopped having me in his sights. Catechism was hell. During breaks, he would run after me to hurt me.”

At college, Kimberley also changed establishments three times: she was either harassed or ignored. When she finally makes friends in fourth grade, she suffers from school phobia. “I signed up for Cned in second grade and it was liberating”, estimates the young woman. In final year, she chose to enroll in a high school to only take philosophy and sports classes. “At that school, there were some of my bullies, but I allowed myself to live.” She admits that one of them haunted her for a long time, “like a ghost”. “I let him go by writing a book, which I would like to publish soon”shares Kimberley.

Angélique, 23 years old: “I often think about what people might think”

Angelique hangs out with “the same group of friends since second grade”. “We were a bit of an intellectual-geek group”, laughs the young woman. But everything changes when he enters final year. After a summer during which she “flirts and sleeps with two or three boys”, then meets her first boyfriend, her reputation becomes that of a “slut” Who “cheating on your boyfriend”. Her harassers also end up attacking her about her weight: “Angelique, it’s Obelix.” His grades are falling. From 15, it goes to 13 on average. She also lost around ten kilos in the space of six months. “I felt like my life was over”, remembers Angélique. The arrival of a new girl in the class (now his best friend) changes things, since she is finally defended. “Today, it still impacts me a little. I often think about what people might think or say about me.”

* The first name has been changed.