A breakup in the context of domestic violence does not necessarily mean the end of the violence. This can be transformed and declined in new forms, notably in economic violence. In some cases, violent ex-spouses attempt to maintain a hold on the mother of their children by depriving them of child support to which they are entitled. A little-known facet of domestic violence, which is part of the notion of coercive control that women’s aid organizations want to have recognized in the Criminal Code.
” [Les ex-conjoints violents] forget that alimony is for the children, they say to themselves: she wants to take advantage of my money. But this is where their perception becomes biased,” analyzes Arianne Hopkins, coordinator of the Nouvelle-Étape house, a two-bedroom accommodation.e stage for women and children living with post-separation violence. ” [La pension alimentaire] has no connection with the woman, it is for the well-being of the children. »
According to several stakeholders interviewed by The duty, the cases of violent ex-spouses who try to avoid their financial obligations towards their children are far from being anecdotal. “There are many strategies: giving up work, going on welfare, having no jobs constants, postpone legal proceedings, ”lists Arianne Hopkins. Other speakers cite cases where ex-spouses have left the province or the country, started working on the black market or have multiplied legal proceedings to financially strangle their ex-spouse. The duty has documented some cases.
It’s a way of saying “I’m in control and I’m going to punish you”. It can be a way to get revenge, to let off steam, but it will harm the children above all
According to Manon Monastesse, Executive Director of the Federation of women’s shelters, this type of behavior appeared in Quebec after the introduction of automatic collection of support payments in 1995. From that moment, a deduction from source, therefore directly on the salary of the ex-spouse, could be made, which made it possible to reduce the cases of bad payers, but which gave rise to a multitude of schemes.
In the context of domestic violence, many women choose to let go of such a situation to protect their physical and mental health. “Even if it means continuing to be harassed, women will give up, reports Manon Monastesse. It’s already painful enough. It’s rare that they will fight for that. »
Especially since it is up to the woman to demonstrate that her ex-spouse has hidden income or that he works even if he says he lives on social assistance. “It rests on their shoulders, deplores Sabrina Lemeltier, president of the Alliance of shelters of 2e stage. It discourages them. They know it’s unfair, but they tend not to want to fight for it, even if it’s their right. »
Maintain the grip
According to her, men who act in this way seek to maintain a hold on their ex-spouse. “It’s a way of saying ‘I’m in control and I’m going to punish you.’ It can be a way of getting revenge, of letting off steam, but it will harm the children above all, ”says Sabrina Lemeltier.
A reading shared by Arianne Hopkins. ” [Ces ex-conjoints] are in a power relationship with the spouse while they are in a relationship, she notes. But when it’s over, they feel like they’re losing power over the woman and she’s going to take advantage of it. In addition to maintaining financial pressure, insulting and degrading remarks burst forth, such as “believe me that you won’t buy yourself a bottle of wine with my money” or “you won’t get your nails done with my money”. Some will also say that, since they pay child support to their ex-spouse, she has to answer to them.
Coercive control
Like psychological violence, economic violence cannot be seen. In order for this violence, which leaves no trace, to be truly taken into account by society and the courts, organizations helping women have been campaigning for several years for the notion of coercive control — which encompasses all the behaviors deployed in the purpose of creating a relationship of control, influence and domination over the other — be recognized in the Criminal Code. If passed, Bill C-233, introduced in the Canadian Parliament last year, will amend the Criminal Code accordingly.
“We need to have a complete look at domestic violence and that there be laws which recognize that it is domestic violence even if there is no punch”, summarizes Sabrina Lemeltier. . “As long as it’s not done, it’s a crossing of the desert [pour les femmes qui essaient de faire reconnaître ce type de violence]. »
Need help ? If you are a victim of domestic violence, you can call the SOS violence conjugale hotline at 1-800-363-9010. If you are a perpetrator of domestic violence, you can contact the organization À coeur d’homme at 1-877-660-7799.