Experiencing difficult emotions together
Before a child can even begin to feel empathy, he must be able to identify his own emotions and then regulate them. When he experiences difficult emotions, it is better to support him rather than isolate him, says psychoeducator Stéphanie Deslauriers. Concretely, she advises the parent to validate the child’s emotion, to help him recognize it by making connections with its physical manifestations and to ask him what he needs. “That’s ultimately part of empathy. If you yourself are not in touch with your emotions, the pleasant and the unpleasant, you cannot be fully empathetic to the suffering or happiness of others. »
There will be errors
Seeing your child lack empathy is difficult for a parent. However, it happens to adults too. Like cycling, it’s a skill that requires practice. Whether 5 or 17 years old, a child whose brain is developing will also make missteps. We can help him by helping him to measure the impact of his actions and understand the emotions of others. “Sometimes, we make a targeted intervention related to a situation,” notes Stéphanie Deslauriers. It may take time for children to understand that they can transfer this knowledge to similar situations. » “With all the education that we can give to our kids, we have to be humble as parents and open to being able to support them when they make mistakes,” adds Chahra Joubrel-Mehari, trainer of the “Living together –” project. Fri for Mobberi.”
A scope to measure
What if the child does not recognize his mistake? If he doesn’t understand the scope of his gesture? A classic intervention consists of returning to the opposite situation. “What if that had happened to you?” » “Sometimes it doesn’t work because the child has never experienced it,” admits Stéphanie Deslauriers. It’s too abstract for him or her. » She then suggests reminding him of a similar situation he experienced to make him connect with the experience of others. Children’s literature and films that depict a similar situation can also help raise awareness in children without confronting them emotionally.
Lead by example
Do you show empathy on a daily basis? Less so in adolescence, but certainly in early childhood, parents act as role models. “You have to be introspective and ask yourself: am I showing empathy on a daily basis? suggests Stéphanie Deslauriers. Towards my child, but also towards my partner, my neighbor, his teacher at school or his daycare worker and even the cashier at the pharmacy. When driving, do I send other drivers away? » Moments which sometimes seem banal to us, but which add up to build “the shared educational experience”. “It’s continuous learning,” notes François Richer, professor of neuropsychology at UQAM, which begins when a child sees the adults around them being sensitive, not only caring about themselves. . “Learning empathy is not absolutely academic, it is social learning. »
The screen barrier
Although they facilitate communications, screens can hinder empathy. Firstly because the time spent in front of a screen is less time devoted to other fundamental learning. “Empathy develops in interaction, in the group, in exchanges, in co-presence,” indicates Omar Zanna, professor of sociology at the University of Le Mans. “Having a screen as an intermediary is dehumanizing,” adds psychoeducator Stéphanie Deslauriers. Thus, because we do not see our emotional reaction directly, we may tend to underestimate the impact of our written words on the person who receives them. At the high school where she works, workshops are also organized to make young people aware of the impact that comments made online can have.
Read “What place for empathy at school? »