Francis is in a relationship with the ” boyfriend of his life”, and this, for 20 years. But he is not in a monogamous couple. This is also the secret of his happiness, he believes, beaming. Story of a man on a mission.
His story is similar to others you may have read here, he knows. Too bad. Or rather: so much the better. “Because we don’t hear enough about it,” he says straight away, smiling, comfortably installed in a pretty park in the Village. It’s a bit the same thing, but it’s not the same thing, and to break the taboo, you have to say these things! »
The man, in his early sixties, an actor by profession, confides gently and with as much eloquence. Its goal ? “Thwarting indoctrination,” he declares without hesitation, eyeing the pretty muscular bodies training nearby, under the beating sun of this end of May. Why, exactly?
Because it is happiness! It enriches life! It may not be for everyone, but everyone should have this option in mind!
francis
Oh yes, and because not all open couples are obsessed couples either, he insists. “Am I paranoid? I think it bothers, he says, laughing. But it is not because we have several sexual relations with different people that we are obsessed with sex! »
No, he didn’t always think so. In fact, he wasn’t even always gay. Or, at least, not always dared to assert themselves. It doesn’t really have a connection, he thinks, or maybe it does, you’ll see, but the fact remains that until he was 20, Francis was downright playing straight. He still hears his “homophobic” father warn him with his brothers, around the age of 7: “You can be beggars, thieves, murderers, anything but homosexuals, he tells them. And it stuck. I loved my dad. »
Francis was living abroad at the time, and had his first sexual relationship around 17, with a French teacher, in his early thirties. Anything but traumatic, he takes great care to specify. “It’s charming, extraordinary, fantastic,” he says, smiling. As proof: he then sleeps with his colleague, also a teacher!
It was only at the age of 20, when he landed in Montreal, that he “assumed himself”, as they say. “It’s the total revolution,” he continues. I’m at the Conservatory, I see gays, there’s cruisepeople are nice, it’s easy, I let myself go. […] It’s the chance of my life, otherwise I was going to a failed life…”
His first experience with a “school guy” is also “great”. “I was going through something so grandiose, I told myself that I could die there, it wouldn’t be more serious than that, nothing could exceed that. That gives you an idea of all the “pent up energy” so far.
In search of “absolute”
Francis then “browses” right and left for a few years, with boys, but also a few girls, before really settling on men, in his mid-twenties.
He then goes on to monogamous stories (one year here, three years there, etc.) before spending more than 10 years with a “fantastic” guy, met in his early thirties. Clarification: yes, always in exclusive relationship.
“I think he’s the man of my life, at the same time I’m looking for the absolute, analyzes Francis with hindsight. And then maybe I feel a little tired. In short, he wants better. Or let’s say something else. Otherwise, maybe?
At the turn of the forties, Francis separates, to then meet yet another lover, the famous ” boyfriend of his life”, with whom he is still today, almost 20 years later. “And that’s the total! he shines, I adore him, […] he is magnificent ! »
Here we are finally. It is that with this new lover, Francis decides to live as he pleases. “I’m going to be a free thinker. I’m not going to be fooled a second time by formatted thoughts, ”he wishes, alluding to the heteronormativity imposed by his father, we remember.
At the time, he still heard Janette Bertrand lamenting on the radio that young people wanted to have it all: “The great love story that lasts and sex with occasional encounters. But unfortunately this is not possible. ” Why not ? wonders our man, while specifying how much he “adores” Janette Bertrand – “she’s a goddess, she has done so much for us! “Nevertheless, he continues. “My instinct tells me it’s possible. Our grandparents had exclusive relationships, it didn’t work out, our parents had secret sexual experiences, the relationships didn’t last…”
There is a third option for me: a relationship that lasts and sexual experiences in transparency, without lies, but in listening.
francis
He more or less imposes the case on his companion, who hasn’t gotten there yet. “He is younger, explains Francis, has less experience, perhaps less thought…” And no, it’s not exactly obvious to him. Think: tears on one side, remorse on the other. “But I reassured him a lot, I adored him, he repeats. But I was not going to let myself be locked up. ” And then ? “Eventually he too explored and it was fantastic for him too. »
Concretely ? When they were younger, it meant that when they went out to the “clubs”, “if we met someone else and came home at 8 in the morning, that was perfectly fine”. Today, it happens more via apps. “If there is attraction, we do not repress. »
Francis now has two other lovers for a few years, whom he sees alternately, once a week.
” My boyfriend was afraid that it would weaken [la relation], an accident happened so quickly. ” But no. How do they do ? “It’s disconcerting how easy it is,” he says. It only takes one thing: a partner who reassures you, a loving, empathetic, transparent partner. »
Otherwise, indeed, he knows, it can be a “test”.
Besides, has Francis ever been jealous? ” Yes. It is something that cannot be cured. One night in particular, he recalls, “I thought I was never going to see him again.” And then her lover came back. “Yes, I was jealous, but not in a visceral way. And he reassured me. »
We must know: do they still sleep together, for all these years of couple, but also of openness? “I love her deeply, he replies cleverly, but it’s much less frequent than before. […] And that’s normal, it’s pheromones. » How many times less? ” Once a month. And is it good? “Yes,” he assures. But no, “it’s not the fire”. A fire that he finds elsewhere, we understand.
“But him, I adore him, we have lots of layers of memories, he unfolds, he is magnificent! Everything is reconcilable, he believes. You have to listen to your heart… and your ass! »
* Fictitious first name, to preserve his anonymity