No, do not improvise dominant who wants. Even less expert in knots. BDSM is a practice that can be learned, with rules, codes, and above all limits to be respected. A user manual, what. Except that until now, this manual did not exist.
Posted at 6:40 p.m.
Or at least not in French. It’s now done, with the publication this Sunday of a real training, a kind of BDSM 101, both theoretical (what is bondage, domination / submission or sadomasochism, and what it is not especially not) and practical (the famous “games”, “roles” and “toys” explained), without forgetting the safety rules, downloadable limits grid included.
Baptized “Discovering BDSM” and signed by two researchers in sexology from UQAM, Jessica Caruso (rare university to have been interested in the subject in Quebec) and Marie Latendresse (research agent in the development of programs in sexuality education) , the tool comes here to fill a real void in this area.
“There are very few training courses for people who want to start, if any, in French”, confirm the researchers.
Admittedly, the title clashes, alongside more general training, on self-esteem or masturbation, let’s say. But with the growing popularity of the phenomenon (just take a trip to a sex shop to find out for sure), and its normalization in the world of porn, this manual is timely . “Today you can be sure Tinder and get you a BDSM partner, argues Jessica Caruso. Without any experience! And this is where there is a risk of abuse. »
Because, the researchers warn:
Just because it’s more accepted doesn’t mean everyone should do it, or in any way. There are physical and psychological safety issues. It is still an exchange of power.
Jessica Caruso, researcher and author, BDSM expert
“In the rules of BDSM, the notions of consent are outstanding, specifies the researcher. You have to understand that everything has to be negotiated. It requires education, work on yourself, being able to say no, and defining your limits. »
The key word here: education. And in the subtext: communication. Unfortunately, and the news regularly reminds us, “if it’s done badly, it can lead to abuse. And it’s a growing problem.”
The guide is also intended as a tool for reflection on the issue, to help readers express their needs, their fears and their limits, and above all to distinguish a “healthy” game from an “unhealthy” game.
“If you can’t set your limits or name them, it’s not for you,” concludes Jessica Caruso. Really not for you. Because it can be dangerous. Our program is not at all about pushing people to do that. But rather to “well” do it, only if necessary.
About Jessica Caruso
Jessica Caruso became interested in BDSM after her baccalaureate in sexology in 2009. “I found out about it through someone who was into it, and I couldn’t believe I had never heard of it, of all my baccalaureate in sexology! Hence his further studies, as part of his master’s degree, on the subject. “We have to talk about it! I wanted to demystify all that. I couldn’t believe there was this community in Montreal that I didn’t know! A subject which, at the time, frankly clashed with his university colleagues, to say the least. “In addition, I did observation, which is not a method that is used in sexology, it was really left field. We are definitely somewhere else today…” She published her memoir in 2012 (The BDSM community of Montreal: an investigation into BDSM culture and the codes and sexual scenarios that constitute it), then a theory book, in 2016 (BDSM – The rules of the game, VLB editor). This training tool is its first of its kind. But maybe not the last.