How are today’s parents different?
Annie Loiseau, child psychiatrist: “We have a lot of exhausted parents. It’s been worse since the pandemic. The children need supervision, the parents come home in the evening, it’s difficult to put a limit on the children, to fight with them. It’s easier to buy peace. It works well, but in the long term, the child does not learn to manage frustrations, to tolerate deadlines, to function within a framework with limits, which leads to behavioral problems. »
Do parents do things with the intention of helping their child that, on the contrary, harm them?
Benoît Hammarrenger, neuropsychologist: “Yes, argue and explain when you ask the child to do something or when you say no to his request. Parents have the impression that they are good parents if they calmly explain to their child why they have to go to bed, that they have to brush their teeth to avoid cavities. Most of these discussions do not teach the child the importance of brushing their teeth, but rather that they have the right to argue and can contradict authority. It tells the child that he is on the same level as the adult, that there is no hierarchy. It teaches him things that we don’t want to teach him. »
How is it that parents’ intuition, in terms of education, works less than in 1980?
Benoit Hammarrenger: “There was a time when children adapted to the discipline of parents. Today, parents adapt to children. In another era, parents actually used their intuition. Sometimes it worked less well, but it ended up harmonizing. […] There is also a difference in the discipline tools that were available in the 1970s, 1980s, 1990s. […] Raise the tone, put consequences, we have the impression that it is not part of positive psychology, which is not true. It’s part of raising kids to have a more supportive approach. »
What is the biggest mistake parents make?
Linda Pagani, psychoeducator and researcher: “It’s not being enough of a supervisor during early childhood and after. Supervision is necessary to avoid rebellion and children who push us away when we say no. You need rules, a routine. You can’t begin to manage your child’s habits in high school. The other thing it takes is affection, and the two should always be of equal importance. If one is very authoritarian, one must be very affectionate. You have to be both at the same time. »
What can parents do to help their children be well, simply?
Jean-François Chicoine, pediatrician: “Children want to play, that’s all. A child has to play, talk and show imagination. These are three very important data before the age of 5-6 years. How many children do not play three hours a day before the age of 6? A great majority. However, that would solve a lot of problems. »
Linda Pagani: “I would like parents to think more about the present moment. We don’t even know what mindfulness is! It is believed to be doing yoga movements. It’s not that. When you shovel garnotte, you think of garnotte. When we have dinner with the family, we talk about our day. When we are not mindful, we are less intelligent, both emotionally and in terms of fluid intelligence (reasoning). »
Should parents feel guilty if their child is struggling?
Jean-Francois Chicoine: “The parent is too alone in our world. He blames himself, but deep down, it’s his network that isn’t there. Not everyone around him supports him. That’s what we need to bring back to help the situation. »
How can we help our children?
- Promote DIY, games in nature, activities requiring fine dexterity, creativity.
- Practice mindfulness with your children to develop the ability to concentrate.
- Get the kids moving (3 hours a day up to 6 years old).
- Make sure the child gets enough sleep.
- Make sure the child eats well (varied, as little processed and industrial as possible, lots of fiber and colors on the plate).
- Supervise your children (so that they learn to respect authority, hierarchy, to follow instructions) while offering them as much affection.
- Avoid arguing with children to convince them to follow instructions.
- Ensure that screen time does not eat up time for games, speech, physical activities, social interactions.
- Do not prevent the child from experiencing formative failures.
- Ensure that the child does difficult, long things that require effort, patience, perseverance.
- Make sure her children play with other children outside.
- Eat as a family and take the opportunity to discuss your day.
- Avoid having uniform or too high expectations in a group.