Yes, old people like it too

Many think about it, like it, live it: no, sexuality does not necessarily die out with age. On the contrary. An enlightening book takes stock.

Silvia Galipeau
The Press

Patrick Doucet, professor of psychology of sexuality at CEGEP, likes to surprise, provoke, stir the cage of received (and stubborn) ideas. After a book on the sexual life of children, then on masturbation — and pornography, because they often go together, and at all ages, even the most venerable, let it be said! —, here he is tackling yet another taboo, and not the least: the sexuality of the elderly. And good news, beyond the title, falsely modest, The twilight of desire? published by Editions du Trécarré, tackles head-on, albeit in nuance, this little-known, or rather poorly known, subject. Although visibly alive, it bears repeating.

“I wanted to bring the sexuality of the elderly to life here”, sums up the author, whom we met last week, a few days before publication, which is based on an impressive bibliography (and a quantity of notes, on more than 30 pages!), as well as a host of testimonials (taken from the Hite report, as well as more recent surveys), all more diverse and colorful than each other. “That’s why there are so many varied testimonies: whether it’s elderly people who have been in a long and happy relationship, in more marginal relationships, without any more sexuality at all, or with lovers. I wanted to bring this sexuality to life in their own words! »

And indeed, the variety is there: from couples who are abstinent and proud to be abstinent to the most olé olé, through solitary or paid activities, or once a spouse has died. Because that too is a reality.

But do not believe that Patrick Doucet has taken a deliberately optimistic tone. While he certainly speaks of aging as a “blissful emancipation” for some, or indeed presents several statistics as surprising as they are encouraging, in his eyes he sticks to the facts. “I’m not trying to be optimistic,” he says. I also describe people who are no longer interested… but there are still a lot of people who are interested! he says, smiling. It gives you an idea of ​​the tone. And especially from the angle.

An angle that does not contradict the 200 pages of the book.

A lot ? More than you might think, for sure. As proof, this statistic, the most surprising in the book: among the sexually active over 60s, 74% of men and 70% of women say they are as satisfied or more satisfied with their sex life than in their forties. “It’s not me who’s optimistic,” adds the author here. Myself, it surprises me! Do we tend to overestimate the pleasure of the youngest, struggling with work, family, and all the stress associated with it? Still, the book shows that many older people enjoy their free time happily (when health, self-esteem and communication are at the rendezvous, among other things).

The challenges of age

That said, “all is not well for everyone either”, and several chapters also tackle the various health issues associated with aging, whether menopause (which curbs the desire for some, but certainly not all) or erectile disorders (for which there are several treatments, described here at length).

The issues of “marital disagreement” can also act as a great brake, and a whole chapter dwells on this as well, sometimes taking the form of a sex education 101 course for the elderly (or not!). Among other “sexual ignorances” highlighted here: no, an erection is not necessary to “do the job”, and intercourse without coitus is not “immoral”. Oh yes, and no, “foreplay” isn’t necessarily, and “vaginal intercourse” isn’t the only “normal” way to reach orgasm either.

Patrick Doucet quotes here and about the sexologist François Parpaix, for whom there “is a love and erotic life after 60 years”, but on one condition: “if we remain fixed on a sexuality of performance, we are lost”. Or, as Janette Bertrand would say: “It’s not the same anymore, it’s good the same!” »

In his preface, his colleague Normand Baillargeon underlines it from the start: “I am betting on it: this book will contribute to breaking these taboos and prejudices”. Let’s bet it too.

The twilight of desire? Understanding Sexuality in Aging Adults

Patrick Doucet

Trecarre

208 pages