When tears break free | The Press

The era of ” boys don’t cry would it be over? It could well be. At least with us.

Laila Maalouf
The Press

Seeing a man cry might not be that special these days.

“When you think of some reality shows where you see the male participants crying, you say to yourself: maybe that’s changing. Television is sometimes an indicator of change, ”says Quebec psychologist Stéphane Migneault. And education would be for a lot in the evolution of mentalities, according to him.

“Now parents are more aware that a boy can cry. If the boys grew up having the right to cry, they will later have [avec les pleurs] a perfectly normal reaction to a situation that affects them, whether it is very happy news or disappointment. »

Moreover, of all his blog posts, none has aroused as much interest as the one that evoked the benefits of crying – “The therapeutic power of tears” – he noted with surprise.

Social changes

Before becoming taboo, crying was not always frowned upon among men. Until the 19th^e century, “the expression of feelings was permitted, accepted and valued”, as much for women as for men, specifies the professor of sociology and anthropology at Concordia University Jean-Philippe Warren.

Then came two socio-cultural transformations that changed the situation, according to him. Industrialization, first, which split society into two spheres: the private and the public. “We ask that in business, we do not make feelings, as the saying goes; so it takes characters who are tough, relentless, and workers who are also disciplined, who don’t begin to express any feelings on the assembly line. And when he returns home, the man generally keeps the habit he contracted at work,” explains Jean-Philippe Warren.

“We then entered, until the Second World War and a little beyond, a time when the military culture was extremely strong,” adds the professor. “It was time to say that the real man is the soldier. And a soldier doesn’t cry.

According to the professor, the fact that Quebec was partly “outside” the industrialization movement – and especially the militarist movement – meant that, compared to English Canadians, Americans and even the French, “the Quebec men remained more likely to express their emotions through tears.

A “culture of emotion”

More recently, the expression of tears in public would have even taken a completely new turn because of the “interference between the private and the personal which allows this testimony of emotions”, estimates Olivier Turbide, professor in the department of social and public communication of UQAM and director of the LabFluens Influence and Communication Laboratory. And this in all areas.

Shows like Live from the universe Where TV kids will seek to elicit an emotional response from their guests, he notes. “It participates in this culture of emotion that we maintain in the media and it will make what we call “a good moment of TV” which will be found in the good moments of the season. »

It is all the more “paying” on the media level, in his opinion, and this, especially in politics, even if there are still some exceptions – in particular among women.

“For me, public crying is very 2022. We are very much in this era of truth. It responds to almost moral requirements related to transparency, sincerity, frankness, to these expectations of proximity and complicity. We no longer expect a leader to dominate us, to tell us the way forward; we want a leader with whom we are able to go have a beer. And that’s why this human dimension that tears allow works so well in terms of communication: they make the politician human, vulnerable, authentic, ”he summarizes.

Who can cry in public?

Not all public figures have the freedom to let their tears flow in front of the cameras without consequence. Here are some examples commented by our experts.

Obama’s crying

The famous tears shed by Barack Obama when he spoke of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting in 2016 have been described as “historic” by some commentators in the United States, since no American president before him was allowed to express his emotions so openly during a political speech. But at no time did they discredit him, according to Professor Jean-Philippe Warren. “He said he was thinking of his children and he shed those tears as a father; he didn’t lose control,” he said. “Obama’s tears also had a mobilizing virtue,” adds his colleague Olivier Turbide. “We cry out of frustration, out of indignation to see young people fall under the bullets, and it allows you to move from a manifestation of your powerlessness in the face of events to a seizure of power that can generate change”, he says, while specifying that social movements like #metoo, Black Lives Matter or Idle No More have also used the tears of the demonstrators to demand social change.

“A Warlord”

A head of state cannot however shed tears in any context, raises Jean-Philippe Warren. “When he goes to Boutcha, the President of Ukraine, Volodymyr Zelensky, does not cry; he is stoic. His whole face is ravaged by pain, but he doesn’t cry because his tears wouldn’t have passed well. He’s a warlord. And in war, there is no room for tears because soldiers cannot show any form of weakness”, underlines the professor.

Tears at the meme

If there is a scene from the sports world that has made an impression, it is that of Michael Jordan during his induction into the Basketball Hall of Fame in 2009, notes Olivier Turbide. “In a somewhat disjointed speech, he is very quickly moved, he cries, we take a picture of him; and those images of Michael Jordan crying are going to be taken up in memes almost all the time when there’s a win or a loss. We are going to stick the image of Michael Jordan on the athlete, and it is something that is accepted and normalized in a certain way. It’s been more than 10 years, but it still circulates on social networks. And in general, we will use it to convey a sincere emotion, ”explains the professor. Michael Jordan himself joked that a new meme was sure to appear after he cried again during a speech in February 2020 at the ceremony honoring NBA player Kobe Bryant. , who was like a “little brother” to him.

Justin Trudeau’s “Crocodile Tears”

On the other hand, in the political field, a large number of memes circulate of Justin Trudeau in tears – and they are far from being to his advantage, notes Olivier Turbide. “To put it bluntly, we know that Justin Trudeau has an easy tear, so we highlight different moments to ironically boast of his acting skills, he explains. He has even been criticized for crying because he knew it would divert the media from the scandals of the past few days. […] If you can’t be believed, it’s quite devastating because there’s going to be a loss of trust; we associate it with crocodile tears, with something that is false, that comes under deception or manipulation. According to the professor, the “recurrence of these events of tears” would be partially in question in the case of the Prime Minister: “The more you cry in front of the media, the more the effect weakens. Crying must remain an exceptional event in politics to have a high emotional potential. »

And women in politics?

In the artistic and sporting fields, men and women can freely shed their tears after winning a prize, following a victory or a defeat, notes Olivier Turbide. “In this context, crying is much more accepted. But there is a job that women in politics do to censor themselves in a certain way on the emotional level and not to lend themselves to criticism, ”notes the professor, adding that we have rarely seen Pauline Marois or Françoise David. in these kinds of “more emotional” moments. He also gives the example of the young environmental activist Greta Thunberg whose “passion of passion”, during her speech at the United Nations Climate Summit in New York, in 2019, was used by her detractors for the discredit and associate her with the stereotype of the hysterical woman.