A man comes to the defense of his wife… by slapping another man. Will Smith has taken on the role of the “savior” ready to do anything for his family. The actor apologized to Chris Rock, but his gesture highlights this image of protector often attached to men. However, the choice of means to achieve this must evolve, believe the experts consulted by The Press.
Posted at 9:00 a.m.
In action films or even in children’s stories, man is often represented as a strong being who must protect his family. “The prince charming who comes to save his sweetheart, it remains a model which, unfortunately, is still very present”, underlines Gilles Tremblay, retired professor of the School of social work and criminology of Laval University.
According to him, this traditional model of the man “cracks everywhere” with all the advances in gender equality. “But it is still extremely present,” says the man who is also the head of the center of expertise and research in health and well-being of men.
A chivalrous attitude that some women expect, believes Philippe Roy, professor at the School of Social Work at the University of Sherbrooke.
“There may be guys who stop themselves from recognizing their emotions and living them because they say to themselves: ‘I don’t want to disappoint my partner who expects me to be unshakeable.’ […] These expectations persist. »
Unjustifiable violence
Stand up for the one you love: old-fashioned gesture or laudable attention? The answer, which will vary for everyone, is not very important. “The fact that Will Smith came to the defense of his wife, that’s not what is inadequate. It’s the fact that he used violence to do it that is,” summarizes Sabrina Nadeau, executive director of À coeur d’homme, a network of 31 organizations that help men struggling with violent.
Crowned best actor a few minutes after the event with Chris Rock on Sunday, Will Smith began his acceptance speech by saying that Richard Williams, tennis coach to whom he lends his features in the film King Richard, “was a great defender of his family”. He then repeated, a few times, that he himself was protecting his family and the people he loves. In his autobiography, published last November, he also says he regrets not having defended his mother against his violent father when he was young.
PHOTO YAN DOUBLET, LE SOLEIL ARCHIVES
Sabrina Nadeau, Executive Director of À coeur d’homme
In the cycle of violence, he is exactly in justification. It’s to rationalize a behavior that is absolutely not rational to be able to look in the mirror afterwards or not to be lynched by others.
Sabrina Nadeau, Executive Director of À coeur d’homme
“No, there is no possible justification. There are always other means than violence. The actor also declared himself on Monday that “violence in all its forms is toxic and destructive”.
The slap of the actor, “it’s an assault”, notes Philippe Roy. “It’s a revenge scenario. »
“Will Smith may have been hurt deeply. It is important to recognize this. Now, we must also recognize that this is a very inappropriate way to react,” continues the professor from the University of Sherbrooke.
punch message
Precisely, what could Will Smith have done following this joke on the hair of his wife, Jada Pinkett Smith? “He could have come on stage and said, ‘That’s a joke that’s really unacceptable. You have no idea how deeply that joke hurts me,” explains Philippe Roy. He believes that Chris Rock, who he says was also violent in making a hurtful joke, would have been left speechless.
PHOTO PROVIDED BY THE UNIVERSITY OF SHERBROOKE
Philippe Roy, professor at the School of Social Work at the University of Sherbrooke
“It would probably have had more impact than the slap,” agrees Gilles Tremblay.
However, this solution involves talking about your emotions, something that is still difficult for some men, admits the retired professor. Especially among people aged 55 and over, he says, with supporting data.
In the field, Nycolas Renault, general manager of Avif, an organization that helps violent men or men in difficulty in the Montérégie, notes that for many men, the spectrum of emotions expressed is limited.
“I’m not saying that’s the case for all men, but those who are a little more traditional have a harder time.
“It seems like any negative or uncomfortable emotion, whether it’s fear, sadness, shame, guilt, men are more likely to come out in anger instead of taking the time to acknowledge what they’re going through. “, he continues.
“It’s not the anger, the problem, it’s what we do with it”, however supports Nycolas Renault.
A saviour ?
What message does Will Smith’s slap send? “The message will depend on the response from peers,” replies Sabrina Nadeau, from À coeur d’homme. If the gesture stays as it is, everyone accepts it and nobody says anything, then it will have the effect of encouraging people to use violence to solve their problems. He will pass for the savior of his girlfriend. »
If, on the contrary, the gesture is publicly condemned, as various personalities did on Monday, “it can have a positive effect”, she believes. “It opens the discussion. »
She also notices an evolution on this subject in Quebec.
“There is less and less glorification of violence, although there are still circles where it is. Especially since the #metoo movement, there are more and more men who are questioning their behavior. They are also less likely to condone the violent behavior of their colleagues or friends. It bears fruit. »