Christmas can be emotionally charged, especially with family members distracted by their smartphones. Renowned psychotherapist Stefanie Stahl notes that 78% of people see smartphones as major distractions during the holidays, affecting meaningful connections. She explains that devices provide emotional control and escape but can lead to feelings of neglect when people prioritize their screens over family. Stahl advises setting empathetic phone rules during gatherings, managing expectations, and preparing for potential conflicts to foster a more harmonious holiday experience.
The emotional intensity of Christmas can be overwhelming, especially when family members are glued to their smartphones. Renowned psychotherapist and bestselling author Stefanie Stahl, known for her book ‘The Child in You Must Find a Home,’ shares her insights on this phenomenon in a conversation with EXPRESS.de.
Smartphones: A Source of Distraction and Emotional Control
A recent survey indicates that a staggering 78 percent of individuals view smartphones as the primary distraction during the festive season. According to ‘Bitkom,’ young adults aged 16 to 29 spend an average of 182 minutes daily on their devices, while those between 30 and 49 are not far behind at 158 minutes.
Stahl explains, “Smartphones activate the brain’s reward system, releasing dopamine as we scroll, receive likes, and view appealing images. This compulsive behavior has become ingrained and is not easily set aside, even during Christmas—much like smoking.”
Furthermore, she points out that for many, smartphones serve as an escape route. “They provide distraction and a sense of control over emotions, particularly during the more stressful holiday season,” she adds.
Why Phone Use During Christmas Eve Grates on Us
The issue lies in our heightened expectations during Christmas. We yearn for togetherness, harmony, and meaningful interactions. When someone is preoccupied with their phone, it sends a message of disinterest: “I am not engaged with you right now.” This perceived neglect can feel like a slight and may lead to feelings of hurt.
Moreover, when younger family members post about their holiday experiences on social media, it can feel like a betrayal, especially if it contrasts with the underlying family tensions. Stahl comments, “There’s often a gap between the outward portrayal of a perfect holiday and the internal dynamics of conflict.”
Her advice? Establish rules with empathy. “Encourage family members to keep their phones away during Christmas dinner, but do so without threats. Explain the importance of attentive listening in that moment. Suggest alternatives like playing games or engaging in conversation.” Most importantly, she emphasizes, “Lead by example—put your own phone down!”
Expectations, Not Phones, Are the Real Triggers
Christmas is a highly anticipated celebration, and no one wants to spoil it with arguments. Many individuals feel pressure to create a perfect atmosphere through cooking, decorating, and dressing up. As a result, any negativity can lead to greater disappointment compared to a typical Sunday meal gone awry.
So, What Can You Do?
Stahl suggests that common family topics often trigger conflict. Prepare mentally by identifying which family members might irritate you and consider strategies to manage those interactions in advance.
One strategy might be to resolve to remain silent if you’ve had a bit too much to drink when tensions rise. Alternatively, think of clever comebacks to any annoying comments—”You could always look that up or ask ChatGPT!”
Stahl specifically advises keeping expectations in check before the holiday festivities and asking yourself some reflective questions.
No Fixed ‘Christmas No-Go’
While Stahl does not adhere to a strict list of ‘Christmas No-Gos,’ she confesses that spending the holidays alone would be a nightmare for her. “Having my husband present is essential, but I would love to include more family.” One of her pet peeves, which isn’t limited to Christmas, is tardiness. “If you really want to frustrate me, make me wait. I find it incredibly challenging,” she admits.
*The original of this article appeared with our partner express.