‘Cause to lose all my senses
That it just so typically me
Ooh, baby, baby
—Britney Spears
A carpenter ant walks confidently across my computer screen. Ouache. She wanders through my Word file. She walks on the word flower and stops on mechanical. She just stands there. Is it possible to wait our whole lives on a word without realizing it? Mine would be Sweet whipped cream. I kill her with a handkerchief. I have a little pang in my heart. An entire colony impatiently awaits his return. I look at her, curled up on herself. She seems to be sleeping on a spoon. Out of respect, before throwing it in the trash, I decide to name it Daniel.
*
The weather is nice. So beautiful that it brings out all the local cyclists. They all think they’re doing the Tour de France, haha. I pass the Weed Eater around the mobile home I rent. One of the cyclists looks at me while pedaling. I feel ultra virile with my tool. I cut the lawn for an hour continuously. When I finish my task, my right hand trembles. I no longer have strength in my biceps or wrists. I still feel the vibration of the engine of the machine in my bones. I pour myself a glass of water from the kitchen sink. I see two ants on the counter. Daniel had twin brothers? When I pay attention to the floor, I see around twenty ants walking around everywhere. I’m horrified, it stings all over my body. I feel tainted by their presence. The worst part is that they walk as if nothing had happened. Like I was a ghost. Am I still alive, Daniel?
*
It’s a killing spree that’s been going on for a week. I buy traps with poison, but there are always so many. They do the party on my couch, in my bed and on my frames hanging on the wall. I learned from my neighbor that carpenter ants should not be killed. We have to wait for them to bring the poison to their queen. There’s only one problem: I filled all the cracks in the floor baseboards with silicone. They can no longer return to their colony. They are imprisoned with me with poison in their mouths. I worry that they will no longer be able to return to their house to kill their mother. I shout at them: “Spit it out, quickly!” It’s a trap ! »
*
The young man in my living room scratches his navel. He’s 20 years old to boot. He looks at me while waiting for me to give him my credit card. Shocked, I said to him: “Excuse me? » I feel like I don’t speak the same language. Did I hear that correctly? He said to me: “For the interior and exterior treatment, this is the price, sir…” When did that happen? That moment when I was called “Sir” for the first time? I do not remember. I’ve never felt like this. When I was a child, a gentleman was a manual worker with big hands. A hairy person who smoked cigarettes and tucked his shirt into his pants. Someone serious who liked to talk about money, cars and lawns. I was born in nineteen eighty-nine. It hasn’t been that long. However, I still have this preconceived idea that a gentleman doesn’t like the Spice Girls. Yesterday I sang Oops!… I Did It Again in my car. The young man scratches his ear: “Sir? » Stop calling me sir, I listen to Britney Spears, esti!
*
Two weeks later, I still feel the effects of Weed Eater in my body. The poison doesn’t work, there are still so many little black spots walking on my floor. My neighbor points out to me that the lines are not very straight on my land. It frustrates me, I spent the afternoon mowing. But, I don’t say anything. I know he has a loaded gun in his bedroom. I’m not afraid of him, he already gave me celery plants, but still. He often talks to me about his fear of downtown Montreal. I tell him about my fear of guns.
*
I walk with my dog near a farm. It is located five minutes from my house on foot. There is a gigantic enclosure with a magnificent mare. She has a large white spot between her eyes. I gave it a name. When she sees me coming, she runs at full speed to come see me. I always want to pat his head, but I never do. I tell him about my problems. I tell him the story of the ants, the vibration of the Weed Eater in my hands and the neighbor’s gun. She listens to me attentively without judging me. After emptying my bag, I said to him: “You cost less than a psychologist, thank you!” » I laughed to myself. My dog stares at me with his little tooth sticking out of his mouth. I wave to the mare: “See you tomorrow, hello, Britney. »