Did you know that “the practice of sugaring is often approached in a sensationalist way in public spaces or at least without presenting the nuances, however important. It’s unfortunate. Let’s first look at this definition of sugaringshrouded in inclusive language: it is “the relationship between a sugar baby (SB) and a sugar daddy (SD) or sometimes a sugar mommy. In this relationship, the SB offers its company for various activities. The SD offers gifts, money and pays for all these activities. Most of the time, this relationship has social, economic, affective and sexual components.
I draw this knowledge from a beautifully illustrated booklet titled Find out about the sugaring, produced by the PIAMP, (Intervention project with minor prostitutes) and aimed at young people aged 12 to 25. Like many other organizations and unions, the PIAMP participates in the Coalition Édusex site where primary and secondary teachers go to pick up educational content for their sex education courses. The site is not explicitly recommended by the Ministry of Education, but a teacher informs me that it often appears in Facebook exchanges between teachers looking for content.
You have to go to the PIAMP website to find the booklet, but directly on Edusex appears another PIAMP publication, What if we chatted sexting — A practical guide that accompanies you in your decision-making. This text is remarkable for the quality of the legal and ethical information communicated to young people. PIAMP does not condemn the practice — a study indicates that more than 10% of Canadian teenagers send naked photos of themselves, 20% receive them. But the risks of sexting are so clearly established there that the deterrent effect is clear.
The booklet on sugaring is on the contrary highly problematic. Admittedly, he explicitly indicates that the exchange of sexual favors from a minor for remuneration is a criminal act and legally constitutes “sexual exploitation”, but adds: “At PIAMP, we do not believe that sugaring is automatically sexual exploitation”. The organization believes that the practice “suits certain people, for example because they build relationships of trust and feel respected and supported by their SD”.
I would be curious to know what the sponsors of the group think of this validation of an illegal practice, in particular the Support Program for Community Organizations of the Quebec Ministry of Health, the Youth Foundation of the DPJ and the City of Montreal.
Curious also to know the extent of distribution of the booklet. In its 2021-2022 annual report, the PIAMP announces that its guide on the sexting has been distributed or downloaded over 800 times, good news. But the one on the sugaring had just been released and was only made available on Instagram at first. However, it is the subject of a new awareness campaign by the organization. The report also informs us that in addition to its street work with young prostitutes, the PlAMP is active at the Marie-Anne secondary school, in the east of the city, distributing its material in the kiosks held during festive events and, once, at the Cégep du Vieux Montréal.
I in no way question PlAMP’s support work with young people who, often by force, sometimes by choice, take up prostitution, especially since the organization offers them psychological help, distributes material against sexually transmitted diseases and hygiene products.
But for the daring teenager who hadn’t considered becoming sugar baby, the guide plays down the relationship and provides useful instructions. It explains that the “arrangement” is negotiated at the beginning of the relationship, the most common being the Pay-per-Meet where the SBs receive an amount at each meeting, or packages at the beginning of the month for a certain number of meetings. When you display your availability on social networks or on specialized pages, you have to use a code. Since remunerated sexual exchange is prohibited, especially for minors, it is agreed to indicate his interest in “intimate moments”.
Interested parties are informed that, given the age difference, the sugar daddy may attempt to manipulate or push their SBs beyond self-imposed boundaries. “Because they give money, some SD think that SBs should respond to all their requests,” warns the guide. SB “can face verbal, emotional, economic, sexual or physical abuse. You don’t have to endure this violence. There are resources available to help you.”
THE sugar daddy may require an exclusive relationship. It’s a think about it: “this kind of agreement can also lead to a certain financial dependence on the SD. If possible, think about maintaining other options to support yourself so that you have a safety net if the relationship breaks down.” But sometimes everything goes so well that you want to present your SD to your friends and family, to the point that “some relationships become as engaging as a couple relationship”.
Unfortunately, the booklet notes, “the stigma of sex work does not spare SBs. You may not feel comfortable telling your loved ones and fear their judgment or fear for your safety if you tell them. However, for your safety and sanity, it is good not to isolate yourself and build a support network. I asked a person in charge of PlAMP if this booklet was not an incitement to sugaring rather than a warning. They told me it was a “harm reduction approach”. That didn’t convince me. YOU ?
Father, columnist and author, Jean-François Lisée led the Parti Québécois from 2016 to 2018. | [email protected] / blog: jflisee.org