Q. I am a man in my 50s and I supervise some excellent young people, including young women. From time to time I have to drive to meetings, and one of them has to be there too. It makes sense that we go there in my car, which means that I will be alone in a car for two hours with a young woman who has no other means of transportation.
Each time, I tell them that if there is any discomfort at the idea of being alone with me in the car, no problem, they can take a taxi and the company will pay. Every time they look at me like I’m crazy and they come with me. So I wonder now if I’m not being too paternalistic.
I want my whole small team to progress in the company and I want to be a good boss (which involves, I believe, a certain paternalism from time to time). But I also want them to listen to their gut when faced with uncomfortable situations. As a good guy – who knows that there are more than just good guys in life – is there anything I should do differently?
A. I salute your desire to create a safe and respectful work environment, as well as your sensitivity to the challenges of women in their daily lives. I also don’t want to ignore the unconscious assessment of threat that your employees probably make every time they find themselves alone with a stranger.
As a woman who has already turned 23, here’s what I would think if my boss made me a similar offer:
Should I feel uncomfortable alone with him? Was he involved in a previous incident?
Is he afraid that I will wrongly accuse him of something?
If I take a taxi, am I missing an opportunity to establish a good rapport with my boss?
Is he making the same offer to the men on our team?
But consider how your effort to create a sense of respect and security in your subordinates could have the opposite effect. It’s clear that your intention is to anticipate their concerns and build trust. But you treat them like women first, employees second; moreover, you impose on them the responsibility of recusing themselves from a mundane professional activity.
Your action walks the fine line between accommodating differences (inclusion) and preemptively treating people because of your assumptions about those differences (discrimination). It’s a not-so-distant cousin of the extreme overcorrection that occurred after the #metoo movement exposed workplace harassment and misogyny: male managers, to avoid being accused of impropriety, expressed reluctance to serve as mentor, to travel with female colleagues or to speak directly with them.
The irony is that to avoid one form of gender discrimination, these executives adopt another: denying women support and career opportunities based on gender-based assumptions.
I don’t speak for all women, but the way I see it, a lot of fairness in the workplace comes down to two concepts: we don’t want to be targets of mistreatment because of our gender, and, if we believe it happens, we want to be taken seriously.
You can support this as a boss by inviting everyone to give their opinion, even if it’s difficult to hear; by listening more than speaking; by asking more than ordering; and, if there is a complaint, following your company protocol. It is these practices, not paternalistic chivalry, that will confirm your identity as a trustworthy good guy.
When you feel the need to make an offer to the women in your group that you wouldn’t make to the men – or vice versa – take a little pause and ask yourself if you can reframe the situation without needing to apply two rules. different.
So taking a taxi – instead of your car – could become the norm for getting to these meetings with all your subordinates, male or female. Or, you can reverse the wording of your offer. Instead of putting the burden on your young people to refuse to travel with you, you could say: “I’m going by car tomorrow; If you want me to take you, I leave the office at 8am. Otherwise, we meet at the client’s place at 9 a.m. » This would allow them to accept or refuse without discomfort for any reason that you don’t need to know (for example, young people don’t like the music you play in the car).
In my opinion, if you are as serious about life as the impression you give in this letter, your employees already know that you are a good boss and a good guy they can trust. They will be happy that you are helping them advance their career.
This article was published in the Washington Post.
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