What did you get for Christmas this year? A tie ? A musical candle? A serving dish? These are all nice touches. But don’t pretend. I know you now. I know very well what gift you were most looking forward to.
This one.
The list of the most incredible, unusual and useless sports statistics of the year. Figures so implausible that they could damage your brain irreversibly. Ready, not ready, here we go!
10- On September 3, the Appalachian State University football team scored 40 points in the fourth quarter. An elephantine performance. No. Better than that. Brontosaurus. Biggest quarterback of ANY team of this caliber in the NCAA since 1968. Most amazing? The Mountaineers still lost the game, 63-61!
PHOTO KELVIN KUO, USA TODAY SPORTS ARCHIVES
Philadelphia Union players after their MLS final loss to LAFC
9- You are boubou after a defeat of the Canadian? Take comfort. It could be worse. Put yourself in the shoes of a Philadelphian, on November 6th. That day, local teams lost not one, but two major championship finals. Which ones? Those of Major League Baseball and MLS. How many other times in North America has a city lost two major league finals on the same day? None, of course.
PHOTO NAM Y. HUH, ASSOCIATED PRESS ARCHIVES
The Packers celebrate a touchdown in their win over the Bears on Dec. 4.
8- On December 4, the Green Bay Packers defeated the Chicago Bears, 28-19.
Oh good. So what ?
It was the 787e win in franchise history.
But still ?
It gave them one more than the Bears.
Is there a punch?
Sure. It was the first time the Chicago Bears weren’t the winningest team in NFL history since… 1921!
PHOTO TONY GUTIERREZ, ASSOCIATED PRESS ARCHIVES
From February 15, 2020 to January 4, 2022, the Detroit Red Wings have never scored a single shorthanded goal.
7- Are your brains warmed up? Let’s move on to the next dose. From February 15, 2020 to January 4, 2022, the Detroit Red Wings have played 100 games. One hundred games in which they never scored a single shorthanded goal. How did they end their streak? With two goals in the same penalty kill – in just 37 seconds!
PHOTO YAN DOUBLET, LE SOLEIL ARCHIVES
The Laval University rugby players outrageously dominated their opponents this fall.
6- 364. That’s the number of points scored by Laval University rugby players this fall, before their opponents score a first point against them. The Rouge et Or ended its season with 605 points. Her rivals? 49.
PHOTO ELISE AMENDOLA, ASSOCIATED PRESS ARCHIVES
Stefon Diggs
5- Touchdown.
Hit.
Hit.
Hit.
Hit.
Hit.
Hit.
Hit.
Hit.
Hit.
This is the result of ten consecutive ball possessions by the Buffalo Bills in mid-January, when we exclude the one where their quarterback took a knee on the ground to end a game.
PHOTO JAYNE KAMIN-ONCEA, USA TODAY SPORTS ARCHIVES
Shohei Ohtani, Los Angeles Angels
4- Does it tingle up there? Wait, I still haven’t scared you with high rapids inside. Ready for a flurry of baseball stats? On April 20, Los Angeles Angels starting pitcher Shohei Ohtani came to bat TWICE before making his first shot. How many times has this happened in the last century? None, of course.
PHOTO FROM TWITTER ACCOUNT @ESPNSTATSINFO
After being charged with three fakes against the same batter in 8e round, Richard Bleier, of the Miami Marlins, attacked the referees. He was ejected from the game, along with Marlins manager Don Mattingly.
3- On September 27, Miami Marlins reliever Richard Bleier made his 304e career exit. During all this period, how many irregular feints have he been accused of? Any. He was then caught three times at fault – during a single appearance at bat!
PHOTO DAVID ZALUBOWSKI, ASSOCIATED PRESS ARCHIVES
James Outman
2- Hitting for a carousel, in baseball, is rare. Do two in four days? That’s the feat achieved by Los Angeles Dodgers prospect James Outman, who hit a single, a double, a triple and a home run in a single game – twice in the same week.
Does your cerebellum twitch like Cristiano Ronaldo in front of a camera? Wait. I found an even more impressive fact. On August 11, Chandler Redmond, prospect of the St. Louis Cardinals in the minor leagues, completed a carousel… of home runs! That is to say ? A solo homer, a two-run, a three-run and a grand slam, all in one game. Bouuuuuuum!
PHOTO RON SCHWANE, ASSOCIATED PRESS ARCHIVES
Terry Francona, Cleveland Guardians manager
1- Is your brain about to explode? This should finish him off. On August 17, the Cleveland Guardians’ first three batters in the eighth inning were struck out. Zipper. Zipper. Zipper. Thank you good night. Still, the Guardians still scored six runs in that turn at bat.
How is it possible ?
After three withdrawals, don’t we go back to playing cow?
Yes, unless…
Unless the receiver drops the ball after the third strike. The batter can run to first base. If he gets ahead of the relay, he is declared safe. This is what happened after the third withdrawal. The Guardians then chained a series of hits.
Simple.
Double.
Simple.
Double.
Double.
Goal on balls.
Simple.
The streak ended when Andrés Giménez was struck out for the second time in the set. But this time the receiver caught the ball.
What ? Are you still with us? You have a hard head, it is not possible. Luckily, I’m planning ahead. I had saved THE stat that will finish off even the toughest of you.
Albert Pujols of the St. Louis Cardinals is coming off an extraordinary season. As in: beyond the ordinary. The 42-year-old veteran was employed as a pitcher for the first time in his career – at his 2988e part in the majors. This fact alone would have deserved a place in the top 3 of this list. But there is better.
In the fall, Pujols exceeded the milestone of 700 circuits. Only two other players, Barry Bonds and Babe Ruth, reached this milestone. Statistician Jeremy Frank noted that Pujols takes an average of 26 seconds to circle the bases. Let’s get out the calculator: 26 seconds x 703 laps… So that means that Pujols spent FIVE hours of his life scampering on the trails to celebrate his laps.
And if after that, my friend reader, your brain is still intact, I hope that in your will, you will bequeath it to science.
Happy Holidays !