Who wants to be the postmenopausal woman?

Talking about menopause? Still ? Yes. Because despite the public outings of personalities like Michelle Obama, Naomi Watts, Emma Thompson, Véronique Cloutier and long before, with humor, Clémence DesRochers, postmenopausal women are barely coming out of the closet.

Olivia Levy

The Press

Mirella Di Blasio points out that we talk about it more, thanks in particular to the documentary Loto-Meno, but at the office, you don’t want to be the postmenopausal woman. Why ? “Because it is linked to another social problem: ageism. You don’t want to be the old woman on duty or the office menopause! As soon as we get older, we are branded in certain professional circles, and that’s terrible. We have this pressure to perform, and menopause is another obstacle that women have to face… There is still a feeling of shame linked to age, ”says the president of the agency Lulu Évènements and author of Premenopause, survival guide to stay zen.

An opinion shared by sociologist Cécile Charlap, author of The factory of menopause. She believes that we still live in a system where aging has two weights, two measures. “On the one hand, we have the development of maturity in men which is valued and, on the other, we are in a representation of female aging which is declining,” she explains. Menopause is associated with a loss, a deficiency, an involution. »

However, she observes a certain change in mentalities. “There are questions on the subject, speeches by women like Michelle Obama who talk about menopause, Salma Hayek, Naomi Watts, and above all it is no longer health professionals who talk about it, but artists, journalists, it gives visibility and demedicalizes menopause. It’s a subject that no longer comes only from the medical register, but from a social experience, which is positive. »

Coffees to talk about

Rachel Weiss created ‘Menopause Cafes’ in 2017 in Perth, Scotland, an idea that is gaining great success as they have mushroomed across Britain, but also in Belgium, France, Australia and even Toronto. “Menopause affects half of the population [à un moment de sa vie], but we don’t talk about it and many women are not prepared for it! That’s why I created these cafes so that there are spaces where you can talk freely about menopause, which is very useful, hence the success,” she explains.

“We invite everyone, both women and men, of all ages. It’s important that men are part of the discussion, because they live with us in both the private and public spheres. At work, men [souvent dans des postes de direction] need to be informed, understand the symptoms and allow flexible hours. Moreover, some large British companies now have specific policies on menopause. There is a real evolution, more understanding, even if there is still progress to be made, of course. »

Caroline Codsi, president and founder of Women in Governance, reminds us that menopause is an inescapable reality. “It happens to women at the height of their careers, at an age where they reach a certain executive level, and we can’t afford to leave them out,” she said. I just turned 55, I’m lucky to have a menopause that’s going well, but I’m surrounded by women who have stronger symptoms. We need to raise awareness on this subject, recognize this reality, from the angle of diversity, equity and inclusion. »

Caroline Codsi thinks that you have to find the right balance between being open and authentic on the subject, because postmenopausal women may be going through more difficult times and need to be supported. She also warns against the fact that we do not want a recruiter to hesitate to hire a woman over 50 years old.

Sophie Dancourt is part of the All for Menopause collective in France and is working on the production of a manifesto on the subject. “The more we talk about menopause, the more we will make progress on the issue, because we have to adapt. It’s the gateway to old age, and some women are ashamed of what they’ve become, of their physical appearance, and they don’t always know who to talk to about it serenely,” she says.

“We still hide our age, because menopause is synonymous with decline, while at over 50, we are super active, more free than ever because our children are grown [pour celles qui en ont], full of experience and potential. “She mentions the AAFA-Tunnel commission for 50-year-old women, which counts all the main roles held on screen by actresses over 50 in France, who represented 7% in 2021. “We need to have more representations of 50-year-old women, modern, current, fulfilled and who do lots of things, which we see a lot on social networks, ”she says.

The start of a coming out

Rachel Weiss also thinks of women with white hair who assert themselves and are proud of their silver hair, like Lisa LaFlamme, Andie MacDowell, Helen Mirren, Jamie Lee Curtis, Glenn Close. “We need these positive images, to see that it’s good to grow old, and that we don’t pretend that it’s not happening. »

Mirella Di Blasio admits that we are in the infancy of the coming out postmenopausal women. “We want everyone to talk about it, not just stars from here or elsewhere, but our friends, colleagues, bosses and bosses, and that in the world of work, we offer tools to help postmenopausal women. »

Sociologist Cécile Charlap is optimistic. “We are building new social representations. What changes the game are the social networks, where the sharing of experience is possible, there are Instagram accounts that have been created on the menopause, as well as communities that exchange information. A network is being built between women, which did not exist 20 years ago. Menopause is no longer a solitary experience, without passing experiences between generations, we talk about it with our children, our spouse, which is encouraging. »

what they said

michelle obama

“There’s a lot we don’t know about menopause. I’m living it, and I know all my friends are living it. And information is scarce. I had to change my way of looking at my health. It’s partly menopause, partly aging, but I’ve noticed that I can’t push as hard as I used to, it doesn’t work for me. I had to tone down my exercise routine, less cardio, more stretching, and find a balance between staying in shape and being kind enough to my body not to hurt myself. »

People MagazineNovember 2022

Naomi Watts

“It’s not all that gloomy. It’s scary when you don’t have enough information and you don’t have a community. The physical changes are so new to our body that these transitions are really difficult. I would like everyone to be well informed, because most of the time women go through this experience without knowing what is going on. If they had this information, things would be much easier. It’s when you don’t know that you turn against yourself and think you’re going crazy. »

Forbes MagazineOctober 18, 2022

Salma Hayek

“The questions from the doctors were terrifying. They would ask me, “Have your ears grown and are there any hairs coming out of them? Are your mustache and beard growing? Are you more easily irritated? Do you cry for no reason? Have you gained weight that you can’t lose? Are you shrinking?” And then they ask you, “Do you have vaginal dryness?” I’ll tell you what they don’t tell us: our breasts are getting bigger. A lot. »

Emission Red Table TalkJune 2021

Helene Bourgeois Leclerc

“What saves me at the moment is the humor — between my boyfriend and me, between me and my children. The fact of dedramatizing, of lightening things a little, of defusing them, above all. Humor makes all the difference, because through that, there is acceptance, openness, love, generosity. And above all a link, this link with yourself that you must never lose, and that with the other too. Surprisingly, I still find that there are good sides to menopause. I know, we’re talking about invasion. But me, it forces me to take a step back and try to regularly take stock of many things in my life. And that, I find important. I find it healthy. »

Véro Magazine, Special Edition, Loto-MénoOctober 2022

Marie-Soleil Michon

“I’ve always been quite anxious, so I find it very difficult to distinguish what is due to the menopause from what is due to what we are going through. Hot flashes, exacerbated anxiety, short moments of absence, brain fog. Me, I’ve always been enough sharp in life. It never happened to me, before, to look for words. Sometimes I know what letter the word starts with. “What is it called, then, the big deal that we put on Halloween in front of the door… It starts with a c, it’s orange…” As if I were playing Pyramid nonstop ! »

Véro Magazine, Special Edition, Loto-MénoOctober 2022