Two weeks ago I wrote about social networks that feed a completely unhealthy syndrome of comparison to others.1…
Many of you reacted.
Thank you for your rich thoughts…
Anthology:
DINO — For several years, I have hardly published personal stuff. For what ? Quick answer: We’re crying. The other reason was my addiction to “likes”. Worse, you realize, “likes” are just an exchange of politeness. I likeyou … me likes. Except… We all don’t care about your trip to Disney, your U8 medal and your Aperol Spritz on rue Bernard.
I look at photos of my friend with his wife, traveling. In the photos, they are always smiling. But I know they’re still arguing.
JEAN-FRANÇOIS — We went to Mexico as a family, my girlfriend, our two children and me. The sunset by the sea? My children “enjoyed” it through the screen of their phone, to make it an Instagram moment, rather than through their own eyes… #perfectday #summervibe #sunset… When in fact, it was only of the show to impress their friends. They literally spent their days taking care of each other selfies.
MARIE — What about reality? Is this really what we see on social media?
Friends made a post to describe their awesome camping vacation in Quebec with their two children, with beautiful, happy photos…
These same friends told us they had a crappy vacation, the kids didn’t sleep, the weather was discouraging. They came back in disaster earlier than expected.
And they decided to sell the tent trailer.
FRÉDériC — I am the father of two little girls, 6 and 9 years old. The comparison game makes me uneasy when I look at parents on Instagram, on Facebook. Even if it is unintentional, many parents overexpose their children by making them do the most beautiful activities, the most beautiful teaching, the most beautiful birthday, the most beautiful close relationships…
My primary reaction is often to devalue myself, when there is no reason. It manifests itself in a certain suffering, I demean myself.
Ariane Hébert, psychologist, cites the theory of social comparison postulated in 1954 by Leon Festinger for whom humans have an innate need to compare themselves, a desire which can negatively affect self-esteem while exacerbating competition with others…
In 1954, said Mme Hébert, the points of comparison were the village or the neighborhood, and the popular stars: “Think of a 15-year-old girl today. She has access to so many models of perfect, near-perfect people who have extraordinary presentation. She has so many sources of comparison that can make her feel not so adequate, not so pretty, not so… everything. »
JEAN-DAVID — Social networks are indeed a vector of unhealthy comparison. I often felt like crap watching other people’s lives (promotion, travel, baby, marriage, buying a house). It reminded me that at 28 (at the time) I was late…
I know this feeling existed before the digital age. But social networks present us 24/7 with a very linear model of success that our parents (boomers or X-rated) were not confronted with as frequently.
JULIE — I’m sensitive and it’s the moralizing content that disturbs me. You should eat organic, get your supplies from a local farm. But I go to a grocery store, I shop at the mall. I have a car, my partner has an SUV and we live in the suburbs… We are evil incarnate! The content on Facebook makes me unhappy and yet I can’t put it down.
STEVE — What you describe in your column means that my 12-year-old daughter knows more about beauty products than the beautician at Jean Coutu.
FÉLIX — I stopped using all social networks. Since then, it has allowed me to be indulgent towards myself. I think I’m feeling better today. I don’t think I’ve ever woken up one morning and said to myself, “I don’t have Instagram anymore, but what am I doing with my life?” I’m missing out on so much relevant content…”
Instead I read The Press and I listen to podcasts.
FRANÇOIS — I got off social media at the start of the pandemic, because of polarization. I called my friends and told them: I don’t want us to divide, especially my best friend who is anti-mask, conspiracy theorist and pro-Trump, the complete opposite of me. We remained the best friends in the world…
My girlfriend keeps comparing herself to everyone on Facebook (travels, houses, appearance, career, children). I wish she would put her phone down when I talk to her.
She falls into the bottomless pit of comments on posts, comments about comments, bickering about comments.
Sometimes she laughs. Sometimes she makes a great discovery. A chance…
VALERIE — I am 42 years old. I have a 4 year old boy. For me, the worst thing about social media is the perfect moms. It’s hard not to compare yourself to mothers who cut their toast into heart shapes in pristine white kitchens. Who tell you that it’s super easy to get back to your previous weight, while doing five loads of clothes a day, eating healthy meals and applying the Montessori method.
All this without dark circles, with perfect blow-drying. It’s exhausting to watch. Even if I remain rational, I feel cheap.
I feel like a bad mother.
A mother who has not returned to her previous shape.
A mother who doesn’t do enough at home.
MARIE-HÉLÈNE: Digital technology pushes me to travel, to the need to travel. Before, the question was: “Are you going on a trip this year?” » Now I feel like the question is, “Where are you going on your trip this year?” »
MARIE: I’m not on the networks. It’s my boyfriend who shows me the photos of our friends, our loved ones who are always traveling. I always say to myself: “Hug, with our salaries, how come we can’t make the same trips? Didn’t go to the South a few months ago? Look at their photos of Venice, it looks sick, couldn’t we go? »
It pushes my children to compare themselves, on another level:
— Charlotte is going to London with her parents and two sisters this summer. Where are we going?
— Well, we’re going back to Bas-du-Fleuve to see Papi…
— When are we going to go to London?
— When we have $6,000 for four plane tickets and $5,000 for the trip to be beautiful…
DANIEL — You know the old expression? When we compare ourselves, we console ourselves. Now, with social networks, it’s: when we compare ourselves, we consume.
Note: I have sometimes edited comments in the name of brevity and clarity. And I changed details so as not to cause arguments in the cottages, real or virtual.
1. Read the column “Digital inflatable neighbors”