It’s the start of the holidays and, for the children, the time of the magic of Christmas. But in many families it is for the parents, because of their financial difficulties, that of anxiety. Today we are talking with psychoanalyst Claude Halmos about what these parents are going through.
franceinfo: What can we do when we don’t have enough to fill Santa’s hood?
Claude Halmos: The Christmas season is indeed a painful time, due to their financial difficulties, for many parents.
To be in great difficulty is to be excluded from the world of consumption. But, in a period like Christmas, it is also the being of the collective effervescence and joy, of the universe of people that we meet, at any time, and who are busy, with packages by hand. And it’s especially terrible when you’re parents.
Because, when we do not know how we are going to be able to give a gift to our children, we are not only deprived of the happiness that we would have to give them happiness, but reached in the image that we have of ourselves , as parent.
We feel “worse” than other parents, not up to the task, devalued, ashamed and even guilty, because, even if, of course, we have nothing to do with it, we always blame ourselves for the situation. Especially since we fear that our children themselves feel different from others, and suffer from it.
Are the children also suffering?
The situation can be difficult for them but it only becomes psychologically problematic if they have to live it in solitude, and silence. If a problem is not clearly explained to a child, he thinks it is hidden from him, and therefore imagines it worse than he is.
In this case, he can imagine for example that “no present for Christmas” means “even no more house” tomorrow. He can feel the devaluation of his parents, and devalue himself. And then he can also, to try to help them, not only not to ask for anything more, but to make sure that he does not want anything any more, and to inhibit his desires.
How can parents help their children?
The absolute weapon is the word. She does not necessarily avoid annoyance to a child, but she always avoids problems for him. And above all, it allows him to build a strength in himself, which he will often not be aware of until later, but which is essential.
Children must be told the truth: Father Christmas has no money this year. It is not his fault but that of the economy, which does not allow everyone to have it. He will not be able to bring all the gifts he would have liked to bring. But what he’s going to bring, he’s going to bring with tremendous love, which no money can buy.
And we should try to teach children to relativize a little, even if it is very difficult, the value of material goods, and therefore comparisons with their more fortunate friends.
And it is a topic, moreover, which should be approached in all the schools, the return of these holidays, where all the children will speak about their gifts.
It would really be a great gift that the National Education could give to children.