You may be wondering how this woman can speak for the ugly. Because frankly, physically, you’ve seen worse, right? But in the life of Kareen Martel, there were many who believed that this label corresponded to her perfectly. They are even the ones who attached it to him. In Roberval, Quebec. In the schoolyard, on the bus, on the street: “You’re latte”, they threw at him, with a click of the tongue “to better signify rejection and annihilation in shame”, specifies does she in uglya personal account of ambient laidophobia.
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It is true that since she underwent an operation to advance her jaw, coupled with orthodontic treatment, at the age of 15, Kareen Martel has not heard these cruel words. “It’s hard to know if it’s because I’m perhaps a little more average or because in adulthood, we’re going to shout names less directly, except to public figures,” wonders she. Except for Safia Nolin, who signs the preface to the book. “The sun finally rises and the bullies are going to live their lives elsewhere, far from the rest of us. Except for me. For me, it’s different, ”notes the singer-songwriter, who, often criticized for her appearance, receives her share of hateful comments.
Kareen Martel also asked herself this question about the legitimacy of her speaking out: am I ugly enough to speak on behalf of ugly people? “It’s a funny question,” she admits. But, after all, she said to herself, Virginie Despentes, whom she finds attractive, has given herself the right to speak on behalf of ugly people. “I generally have doubts about whether I have the right to speak, period,” says the author, who also works in a bookstore in Gatineau.
I have a lot of anxiety about the publication of the book. But since I was told and shouted at for 15 years, it really forged my identity.
Kareen Martel, author of ugly
Since once you have made La Laideronnie your territory, it is difficult to go and land elsewhere. “Children, we are first pushed into Ugly, then we are locked in there twice. Then it becomes home, it becomes self,” she wrote.
We become this person who hides in dark corners, who avoids the spotlight and gatherings, who walks headlong to avoid the gaze of others.
I still identify as ugly, I still act ugly, so I will avoid certain contexts.
Kareen Martel, author of ugly
After her studies in literature, she notably declined a job as a college teacher so as not to have dozens of pairs of eyes on her. “I’m not looking to be the center of attention. I don’t want to have the floor. »
Hence the anguish that inhabits her at the end of the first story that she signs outside of collectives, on a very intimate subject moreover. “I was ashamed to tell those around me what I was writing about. Then, by forcing me to talk about it quietly, it helped me personally to overcome the shame of having been identified as ugly. It was also a way for me to try to deconstruct my own internal laidophobia. »
A struggle
If we talk more and more about the dictates of beauty, we hardly discuss ugliness, she laments. And she wants to do it for her daughter, a young adult, for everyone else, and for herself too because she cannot escape the desire to make her own ugliness disappear. “If we celebrated ugliness by bringing it to pride, we would find time, money. It is almost a struggle that is both social and anti-capitalist. »
I have the impression that we dehumanize ugly people, we blame them for their ugliness as if people had the right to see beautiful faces. It is not a right. Ugly people have a right to their humanity.
Kareen Martel, author of ugly
Nevertheless, she likes to believe that in Ugly, “there is support, openness, empathy”. May invisible bonds be woven between those who live there. “We’re alone, but I like to think there’s some ugly community. I don’t know if it really exists. It may also be a way of making the story not too miserable. But maybe this community exists and we can learn to be proud. »
“Peace and love to the ugliness of this world”, concludes Safia Nolin in her preface. “Safia says no, I don’t give in to pressure, and I find that magnificent”, underlines the author.
ugly
Kareen Martel
All in All Editions
117 pages