Have we reached a new height of intimacy?
Posted yesterday at 9:00 a.m.
The couples who have spent the last two years confined under one roof have revealed themselves from all angles. These partners have shown themselves to be vulnerable, complex, damaged. They saw themselves in crisis. And they saw each other all the time.
If life led them to separate, would they be able to rebuild such intimacy with others?
I feel like if my lover and I were to leave each other, I would never get back what we developed together. That he will remain the only one to have known me so fully…
In fact, two years after the famous March 13, 2020, I believe I have experienced an unprecedented situation, on the sentimental level. Am I wrong ?
Cécilia Commo confirms that no.
“There are wars, perhaps, answers the psychoanalyst and sexologist. With these couples who demobilize or who hide together… Except that we are not talking about the same living conditions. The pandemic has caused us a lot of fear, the fact remains that we have remained in our environment and our comfort. Even in the days of pre-industrialization, when we lived as a family, we separated at least during the day to do our respective tasks. There, we never left each other from morning to night… So yes, it was a unique situation! »
PHOTO PROVIDED BY CÉCILIA COMMO
Cécilia Commo, psychoanalyst and sexologist
A situation which, according to Cécilia Commo, has made losers (we guess it well) and winners (we talk about it less).
Among these, three scenarios.
1) Fusion couples who have adapted to isolation without too much difficulty.
2) Couples who had the privilege of living in a sufficiently large place. “Being stuck in 20m2I can tell you that it’s a laboratory experiment… We are waiting to see which of the two will crack”, illustrates the psychoanalyst.
3) Then, the couples who had the opportunity to discover each other.
According to Cécilia Commo, some lovers separated by their jobs and their frantic daily life saw the first confinement as a parenthesis. “As if they were both lost on a desert island!” »
Like Tom Hanks and his Wilson, they got closer.
Except that we haven’t necessarily discovered each other from our brightest angles. I don’t know about you, but at the start of the pandemic, I met a brand new Rose-Aimée Autumn… And she was a lot more anxious-stressful-dull than the bon vivant my boyfriend was dating for a few years. It was a surprise for both of us.
Good day Mrs ! Who are you ?
“On a daily basis, we are all an anxious person who ignores it, reassures me Cécilia Commo. With the pandemic, some people have finally discovered their reactions to anxiety. »
My lover, he reacted to it by calmly deploying his deep voice as soon as I needed it, while wearing joggings or other sports tracksuits. Every day.
“It was hard for people to stay in seduction for so long, rightly underlines the sexologist… We entered head-on into each other’s reality. With its good sides and its more irritating aspects. »
(It’s not that joggers are irritating, but they actually fit less with the popular definition of seduction…)
More importantly, by reaching an unparalleled height of companionship, single couples became pairs. Individual intimacy has given way to living together.
Recently, my spouse spent a few days at a friend’s house. For a very rare time, I felt love separation anxiety… I was devastated to see him go for 72 hours. I did not recognize myself. I had become a new woman.
Logical consequence of confinements, believes Cécilia Commo.
When we no longer practice something, we fear having to face it again. Suddenly, we no longer know how to react to the distance! This pandemic has made us fusion. We have to relearn how to put a distance between us without being afraid.
Cécilia Commo, psychoanalyst and sexologist
The problem, according to the psychoanalyst, is that we are not programmed to go back. When you’re 50, you know you’ll never be 30 again… But now it’s time to remember that before, you could move away or live your individuality, and that was going very well! We existed before the pandemic. Perhaps some aspects of this old relationship are even worth returning to.
Whatever the future, I can at least congratulate myself for being completely naked in front of others, once in my life. To have abandoned make-up and hiding places, for better or for worse. Then, in this whirlwind, I would have had the incredible chance of discovering a man in all his vulnerability.
An adventure that echoes the very recent essay by Cécilia Commo, The perfect couple does not exist: praise of imperfection.
“In my book, I explain that what is most delicate in a relationship is the acceptance of difference. Accept that the other may not think like us or that he does not like the same things… We often want someone who is a bit like our clone! With the pandemic, the other ended up breaking down and becoming himself. We were forced to accept the difference. »
And to all those who survived this great unveiling, Cécilia Commo offers a new ritual…
“Maybe every March 13th you could celebrate the day you were told, ‘You and you, well, you’re gonna stick together. A long time.” »
I embark.