The reopening of the Canada-U.S. Land border will allow many new couples to undertake their very first escapade out of the country. Lovers will finally know the nature of their partner, when the change of scenery breaks down barriers … Now, what should they expect?
A friend of mine had a funny idea a few years ago. She had been chatting with a man for weeks, strictly virtually. Then, when it came time to plan a first date, they decided to take a trip to the United States for a few days. I repeat: without even ever having seen each other.
When she told me about the project, I immediately asked her to check with three reliable sources that the man in question was not a psychopath. She agreed because she is reasonable, and then wrote to the Facebook friends they had in common. Fortunately, one of them knew the guy’s ex-girlfriend well. With him, we would have the right time.
All the sources agreed: the young man was quite decent.
I must admit that I remained skeptical about the viability of the project. The idea of starting a relationship in a completely unknown land struck me as terrifying. My lover, he rather encouraged our friend. In her eyes, the best way to know if you are compatible with others or not is to get away from it all. Better to go on a getaway as soon as possible. Hit or miss.
Interesting theory… Would the trip be the ultimate test of the couple?
“Life is an adventure made up of challenges and unforeseen events. We can wait to discover the daily life together or dive quickly to see how we manage disagreements, annoyance and taking responsibility … Are we able to move forward together? Do we understand each other well? Can we make a joint decision and move forward? », Says Guillaume Dulude.
PHOTO MARCO CAMPANOZZI, THE PRESS
Guillaume Dulude, the “neuropsy adventurer”
Guillaume Dulude is a doctor in neuropsychology. He is also an author (I am a gold digger), animator (Tribal, TV5) and, above all, adventurer. I called him, telling myself that a man who goes around the world with his bow and arrows, while taking an interest in human behavior, would know how to comment on the theory of my boyfriend.
(I love my job.)
Obviously, he does not disagree with the idea put forward. For him, travel allows us to learn more about our love compatibility, since they require the deployment of flexibility, coping mechanisms and other criteria considered important in a long-term relationship. The getaway could even promote intimacy …
“The greater the vulnerability, the better the relationship,” explains Guillaume Dulude. Vulnerability is not negative or synonymous with suffering, it is rather the ability to let emotions shine through. What we want for relational development is that there is a vulnerability that fluctuates reciprocally between two people. A context with challenges, such as a trip, will foster this vulnerability. The more you experience emotions, the more you reveal yourself. And the more you reveal yourself, the more you get attached. It’s very mathematical! ”
All right, my friend may have done well to escape with her suitor, just to quickly determine if a future was possible with him. However, the idea is not perfect either …
“When you get to know the other in a context of estrangement, you do not have access to their environment, to their family, to their friends or to their work,” emphasizes sex therapist Julie Lemay. We are entitled to condensed, but limited information. ”
Indeed, we quickly discover if we are good at making decisions together, but we do not know if our love is polite with his mother! It’s a think about it.
Then, we don’t all have an interest in travel or the unexpected, Julie Lemay reminds me. And it’s far from everyone who has a budget that allows it … “It’s true that it is in the face of adversity that we will cement a union, but we can find this adversity in Bora-Bora. like in Laval! ”
The early escape is therefore not necessary to create frank bonds. Moreover, according to Guillaume Dulude, “we can start with a micro-adventure! It is about doing a task that poses a challenge for both people, to go towards a little of the unknown in a reciprocal way ”.
Another important notion to take into account, according to Julie Lemay: the getaway inspires wonder. The new couple sails from discovery to discovery, immersed in a certain euphoria. Now, what about when life is dead calm? (Because she’s often dead calm.)
“I have the impression that being bored in a living room can tell us a lot about the other,” slips the sex therapist, laughing. Knowing yourself through silences and boredom can also be very rich! How do we feed and connect to each other, when the outside does not give us levers? ”
What a good point!
We can therefore take advantage of the reopening of the Canada-US land border to test our new couple, but we can also do it by renovating a kitchen, by going go-kart, by playing dumpling or by looking at each other in the whites of the eyes away from stimulation.
It is about accepting to be vulnerable. In Bora-Bora or Laval.
Finally, my friend’s date abroad went very well! Unfortunately, the couple did not last very long …
It remains that in the discussions about the first dates, it is she who arouses the most admiration. Always. At least that’s won.