It seems paradoxical, but to maintain love and harmony in your couple, you have to resolve to talk – often and a lot – about a subject that is not romantic for two cents: money.
Posted at 6:30 a.m.
To give thought to those who already know that love and finances are inseparable, and to convince others of this, Pierre-Yves McSween and his accomplice Paul-Antoine Jetté devote 400 pages to the question in the book The love bill (Saint-Jean Publisher). “It’s unavoidable: the romantic relationship will make you live the greatest financial, fiscal and legal adventure of your life”, affirm the two chartered professional accountants.
A patent demonstration follows. Through concrete examples and real-life situations that sometimes make you smile, sometimes sigh, while exposing the most pitiful facets of human nature.
McSween and Jetté have the merit of having elaborated the list, and it is long, of all the forms of “love bills” that await us (or not) in the detour. Those who empty bank accounts. And the others, more devious, which do not display a dollar amount, but whose incidence is sometimes worse: giving up one’s freedom, accumulating frustrations, suffering the actions of others.
Unsurprisingly, even the most arid topics, such as estate planning, matrimonial plans or retirement payout strategies, are tackled with the provocative and emblematic humor of Pierre-Yves McSween. It sometimes feels like the duo, who have known each other for 20 years, butter it up a bit because they fear being told that finances are boring.
“I don’t need thick buttering, I’m cave alike!” “retorts the host of theMcSween Index, at Tele-Quebec. Humor, he adds, is what brought him closer to Paul-Antoine Jetté when they worked in the same office. “When I was doing nonsense, he was a good audience. He gave me confidence. »
For the duo, humor has become “an incredible educational tool” to convey messages.
“As a teacher, says Pierre-Yves McSween, I explained the financial ratios with rum & Coke so that it marks the imagination. »
“When you try to explain a concept and you go to the extreme, well, the extreme is often very funny, because it becomes ridiculous. But it explains something,” adds Paul-Antoine Jetté, professor of administration at the Cégep regional de Lanaudière.
Their playful tone also makes it possible to address delicate issues without making anyone feel guilty or silly. Anyway, they observe, when one member of the couple gets rich at the expense of the other, “it often starts with a good intention”. So they cleverly avoid pointing out the bad guys and telling their victims what to do to get justice.
“It’s a tool for talking about money, not for destroying couples,” launches Pierre-Yves McSween.
Moreover, the duo is careful not to offer “perfect or ideal financial recipes for love”. In fact, there is no one right way to share expenses that can apply to all couples and at all ages. And it is quite possible that the most suitable method will have to change over time. Rather, the book presents a series of possibilities that make you realize why money causes so much conflict. It’s not simple !
PHOTO OLIVIER JEAN, THE PRESS
The love bill, by Pierre-Yves McSween and Paul-Antoine Jetté
The authors also address the essential subject of financial violence, which we hear too little about.
Like other forms of conjugal violence, “there are several degrees”, rightly insists Pierre-Yves McSween. “We have created profiles of types of violence and everyone will recognize themselves. Everyone makes violent gestures, intentional or not. Because controlling the other is an act of violence. But destroying the couple’s financial health or being lax on finances is also violent. »
This is an exercise that will allow (or should allow) readers to examine their conscience, to put words to uncomfortable situations and to frankly broach the subject with the other.
The problem with money is that it hides a lot of stuff – unhealthy behaviors, habits, bugs from the past, troublesome personality traits – even in couples who have been in love for a long time. Not for nothing is it so often taboo and conflictual.
In addition, finance and taxation are complex worlds that are scary. McSween and Jetté admit to having learned things themselves “that threw them off” while writing their book. Examples ? Paul-Antoine has discovered the risks of being the sole subscriber of his children’s RESPs while his spouse is contributing.
“Me, I discovered that the consequences of marriage are much worse than I thought! “replies Pierre-Yves, who is not married. Quick quick test: if you are married according to the partnership of acquests (default regime in Quebec), are you able to list the acquests that a divorce would separate 50-50? Are your debts included?
As a bonus, just in time for Valentine’s Day, The love bill offers a love self-diagnosis tool. To be completed together (or in secret) before the candlelight dinner (or after).