Parents of children of preschool or primary school age, how is your couple doing? Does the relationship you have with your partner satisfy you? Researchers from the University of Quebec in Montreal (UQAM) are currently conducting a research project on the subject in which fathers and mothers of young people aged 4 to 12 are invited to participate.
As we know, the birth of a baby transforms the life of a couple. In recent years, many studies have also looked at the repercussions that this new role of parent has on the marital relationship in the first months of the baby.
But what happens to the couple when the child gets older? It is not because the majority of mothers and fathers find (finally!) normal nights of sleep that parenthood no longer has an impact on their relationship and sexual satisfaction, noted psychologist and sexologist Stella Gurreri.
In therapy sessions, she met many parents who consulted for very general problems, for example a lack of communication.
“When we started to do the evaluation of why it became like that, we realized that there was part of it that was attributable to this identity of parent, this role, these responsibilities and, obviously, everything the resulting stress,” explains the professor in the sexology department at UQAM.
If the couple had “good parenting,” that is, they had good communication, mutual trust, and similar values, their problems were less severe. On the other hand, some parents who experienced more conflict had never discussed “basic subjects”, as Stella Gurreri calls them.
PHOTO FRANÇOIS ROY, THE PRESS
Stella Gurreri, professor in the department of sexology at UQAM
At what age is a child allowed to ride a bicycle alone? Is it independent enough? Does he have the right to receive friends to sleep? The subjects on which one can have disagreements are incalculable.
Stella Gurreri, professor in the department of sexology at UQAM
Check the impact of parental stress
These observations prompted her to set up, with colleagues, a research project entitled “Parental stress and sexual and relational satisfaction among parents of school-aged children: the moderating role of co-parenting”.
His hypothesis? “It’s that parental stress will affect relationship satisfaction […] but also sexual,” replies the principal researcher.
In the past, studies have found that the relationship satisfaction of parents tends to decline until the child reaches the age of 8, raises Stella Gurreri.
The research project carried out by his team, however, is distinguished by the fact that it also focuses on the sexuality of parents, which has been less studied.
She also wishes to observe the role played or not by co-parenting, or “this ability to collaborate with our spouse”, on the couple relationship.
“If I feel like I lack resources as a parent […]but that I feel that my spouse and I are a team, that I can trust him and that we are on the same level of values […]there is much less chance that it will have an impact on my satisfaction with the couple”, hypothesizes Stella Gurreri.
1000 respondents
His team is currently looking for 500 fathers and just as many mothers of one or more children aged 4 to 12 to answer a questionnaire whose duration is estimated at around twenty minutes.
What do the questions look like? “Do you have common interests outside the home?” Do you kiss your partner? Are you laughing together? “, enumerates the researcher.
The participant must also evaluate if he and his partner agree on various subjects such as the budget, the education of the children, the marks of affection, the friends, the amount of time spent together…
On the sexual level, no question relates to the practices of the couple, rest assured. Rather, the research focuses on the participant’s level of satisfaction with this aspect of their life.
So far, more than 90% of the respondents are women. Although she is still looking for a certain number of mothers, Stella Gurreri also hopes to reach fathers, a clientele that is more difficult to recruit. However, according to her, it is important to better document what they experience.
Note that it is not necessary that both partners of the couple participate in the study and that it is aimed at nuclear or blended families.