Posted at 12:00 p.m.
Q. You are 1.88m tall. You are not tall, but very tall.
R. Yes. It is important, this distinction. I’m not talking about tall women, but very tall ones. It’s not the same thing, because we are out of the ordinary. Being tall is viewed positively in our society, but being very tall is not. Very often people say to me: “Ah, you are great! It’s good ! And I say, “Would you like to be as tall as me?” And they answer me: “Not even that, no! The subject of very tall women is not studied, it is not socially defined as a source of stigmatization, whereas it can create complexes and difficulties. There is not this collective awareness of the effects that being very tall can cause. It shapes us anyway. It will play into our interactions with others from the first sight.
PHOTO PROVIDED BY MARIE BUSCATTO
Marie Buscatto, sociologist, professor of sociology at the University of Paris 1 Panthéon-Sorbonne
Q. Does this very large size create a lot of reactions in people?
R. Yes. Every time I get on public transport, I know I’m going to get in the way because of my size, so I put people at ease. When I am with my son who is 1.98 m tall, he settles down. He doesn’t have to put people at ease, he’s a man, he takes up space, that’s normal. I feel that people are a little tense when they see me coming, so I put them at ease: “Excuse me, I’m tall, yes, 1.88 m! I make relationships with others more fluid, I learned that over time. You are extraordinary, so by definition you are creating an experience that does not exist. It affects, in different ways, your relationships with others. You learn to live with this big size, there is a stigma from which you can build a life and live well. Basketball and modeling is what comes to people’s minds, but it’s still the exception!
Q. Why a book on extra large sizes for women?
R. It is because I experienced my very large size that I was able to allow myself to write this book. I’ve been waiting for this book to exist for 40 years! My daughter said to me, “You have to write it down!” Thanks to you, I live well my very tall size” (she measures 1.82 m). When you are a sociologist, if you investigate your own trajectory, you have to state it, and be even more rigorous in your investigation. I knew very early on that being tall was affecting my life, and I think I’m a sociologist just because of that. Very early on, I understood that the others had a problem with my very tall size, that they were going to attribute qualities and faults to me. I built myself with it. My daughter had to live with the fact that she is very tall, she had to bear the fact that her mother is very tall, and that I am taller than her father!
Q. When do you realize that you are tall, very tall?
R. It was towards the end of kindergarten or the beginning of elementary school that most very tall adult women today discovered that they were really tall. Comments on their large size come from adults, not children. Family friends, teachers, parents of other children say, “How big are you! » Positive, negative, pleasant, unpleasant remarks. You are always last in the class photo so as not to hide the others, doctors react and sometimes worry. You are given responsibilities, because people imagine you to be older or, on the contrary, people think that you are not mature for your age. At the time of childhood, two thirds of girls find that it is an advantage, while a third already sees it as a social hindrance.
Q. In adolescence, there is teasing. Is it more difficult?
R. In adolescence, two-thirds of women experience their very large size as a difficulty and one-third of them are more neutral. On a daily basis, you have to manage the recurring stigma in school life, you are singled out (nicknames, big perch, giraffe, big jig), some teenage girls will be socially withdrawn, others will feel embarrassing. What will be decisive is the role of the parents.
Parents who tell you that other people have a problem with your height make you realize that it is not you who are inconveniencing others, it is others who are embarrassed. This reaction makes all the difference in taking charge. […] It should also be mentioned that it is very rewarding to participate in extracurricular collective activities. Whether it’s tennis, basketball, music. The simple fact of being in a collective outside the schoolyard, where we are stigmatized, it feels good. Size then becomes secondary in your interactions with others.
Q. In a couple, when a woman is taller than the man, is the couple said to be ill-matched?
R. Yes. Couples where the woman is taller than the man face a negative look, an ill-matched couple. We will attribute characteristics where the man is dominated and the woman would be a man-eater; these are not things that women and men want to inspire. The result is to show how gendered order is installed in our heads and in our lives. All the women I’ve met want to be real women, but it’s more complicated to be socialized in a feminine way from adolescence when you’re very tall, because we’re going to be offered masculine activities and we’re going to attribute masculine qualities. It is more difficult to feel feminine when, in the eyes of others, you are always defined as a masculine person.
Q. Does social media play a positive role for very tall women?
R. There are very large clubs on Facebook, in particular. They are useful, because they allow exchanges, the sharing of anecdotes and experiences or good addresses, because when you are very tall, it is sometimes difficult to find clothes and shoes. And above all, these clubs make it possible to meet, to create a community and to assume differences together.
The VERY large size for women
Marie Buscatto
CNRS Editions
288 pages