Will France make it through the winter? Rising prices and energy shortages raise fears for the worst. The Macron government has therefore decided to act. If, two years ago, to fight the pandemic, it imposed on its population the wearing of masks, today, to combat the energy crisis, it strongly suggests to its population the wearing of turtlenecks.
Posted at 7:00 a.m.
It was the Minister of the Economy, Bruno Le Maire, who initiated the movement. At the end of September, he made this shock statement: “You will no longer see me with a tie, but with a turtleneck! “Oh dear, good “mayor”!
He invited all state officials to imitate him, since from now on, public buildings must not be heated above 19°C, regardless of the outside temperature. Citizens are also called upon to apply the same measure in their cottages.
Setting the example, the President of the French Republic, Emmanuel Macron, wears the turtleneck, and the Prime Minister, Élisabeth Borne, even combines the turtleneck and the down jacket.
The message is clear: French, French, reduce your energy consumption, and if you’re cold, put on a turtleneck.
When you want to change the world, nothing better than asking the world to change!
For politicians, putting on a turtleneck is easier than banning private jets. It bothers our rich friends less.
I know you are reading this making fun of our dear cousins. Ha! Ha! They are crazy, these Gauls! Attention, poor fools! What happens there is what will happen at home, a few months later. Remember COVID-19. All world leaders are advised by McKinsey.
I can already see the press briefing where Prime Minister François Legault, the Minister of Energy and the rest, Pierre Fitzgibbon, and the president of Hydro-Québec, Sophie Brochu, will appear on our screens, the three big collars wraps, urging us to wear them, as our thermostats will now be frozen at 19°C.
Reacting, outside, in front of the National Assembly, the leader of the Conservative Party of Quebec, Éric Duhaime, dressed in a shirt, will tear it up, haranguing that the turtleneck is a serious attack on our freedoms! And that if, for the moment, they only recommend it, it won’t be long before they impose it on us. Remember the mask.
Thousands of pot-bellied truckers will go up to Quebec City to demonstrate with signs on which we can read: “Choke on your turtlenecks! Your heads will roll! Do you know what you look like with your turtlenecks? And right next to it, there will be a drawing of the male sex.
To encourage the population to follow government recommendations, François Legault will convince the former center player of the Canadian, Tomas Plekanec, to record an advertisement extolling the merits of the turtleneck ending as follows: “Even in a turtleneck, you can score! Gossips will add: “Not that much. In another ad, the great Gilles Vigneault, pioneer in the port of the turtleneck, who will sing: My country is not a country, it is winter. My turtleneck is not a turtleneck, it’s a furnace.
All this to say that we better prepare ourselves mentally to have a turtle neck at the bottom of our heads, over the next few months. It won’t do for everyone. There are some for whom it stings too much. Others to whom it does not do very well, like all those who, at the start, resemble Bruno Blanchet’s ti-monsieur pas de cou. But we must admit that a turtleneck is hot. Very hot. It does the job. But do we really want to dress, all the time, at work or at home, like in a ski lodge?
And where will these instructions stop? Soon, we will be asked to lower the heating to 18°C, and add a down jacket, like Madame Borne, and then it will be 17°C, with mittens, flip-flops and toques, because when your extremities are warm, we are not cold. And at night, we will have to lower it to 15°C, and sleep everyone in the same bed.
What’s more, in the winter, it’s easy to ask us to add peels to lower the heating, but in the summer, to lower the air conditioning, what should we remove? Suddenly we’ll all be completely naked, at home and in the office, we won’t be able to do more.
Well, let’s not go too fast in business, it’s just October, after all. Let’s put on our turtleneck, and go outside, while we can still take it off on the way home!
Happy sunny Saturday!