In 1938, there was civil war in Spain. Soldiers in the trenches coat their chocolates with sugar so they don’t melt. The American businessman Forrest Mars, then on a trip to the Iberian Peninsula, took note of this process, and, on his return to the United States, marketed the M&M’s. The candy that melts in your mouth, not in your hands. Instant success!
In 1971, Red and Yellow, two animated M&M’s, appeared in advertisements. Red is a round and confident chocolate M&M’s. Yellow is a peanut M&M’s, large and nono. The Laurel and Hardy of the chocolate factory. In 1997 is added Miss Green, the first female character, she proclaims not to melt for anyone. She will be joined by Miss Brown, in 2011. And by Purple, last September. The group also includes gentlemen Blue and Orange. It’s the gang of seven. Surely the most famous and beloved mascots on the planet. Nothing to do with Metal, the mascot of the Canadian’s pastel blue jersey.
And yet, it’s not Metal that’s going to disappear, it’s them, the crunchy M&M’s.
Last Monday, the company Mars announced that it would no longer use its characters, thus responding to the protest movement against them, led by the American right. It was the arrival of Purple, whose color symbolizes support for the LGBTQ+ community, which raised the ire of well-meaning people.
Tucker Carlson, the Fox News commentator, next to whom Rambo Gauthier looks like Dany Verveine, treated M&M’s, woke, specifying that Green must be a lesbian and that Purple was obese. He also blamed Green for replacing her white boots with sneakers, which made her less sexy. Her colleague Martha MacCallum said that having M&Ms promote inclusion makes China stronger.
The main interested parties had so far made no comment on their cancellation. They break the silence, today, exclusively, in The Press. This will be their only and last interview in life.
Stephane Laporte (SL): Red, Yellow, Green, Brown, Blue, Orange and Purple, hello! Thank you for speaking up during these difficult times. First, how are you?
Red: We are upset! We don’t understand what is happening to us! We’re just chocolate candies and peanuts ! We are not Julian Assange! We are M&M’s!
Brown: Red, calm down! You’re cracking up, really.
SL: Green, what do you say to Tucker Carlson, who finds you less sexy, now that you’ve swapped your high heels for sneakers?
Green: Let him go for treatment! I’m an M&M’s, not an S&M! If he finds a sexy M&M’s, how should it be before a honeymoon or a Mister Big! ?
Yellow: Me, I dream that Tucker Carlson is allergic to peanuts and that he swallows me!
Blue: Let’s see Yellow, it’s not said!
SL: Purple, do you feel responsible for what happens to your friends?
Purple: I know I was the straw that broke the bag, but I assume it. I regret nothing. What I regret, however, is that no one came to our defense. Where are they, the defenders of the left? Bernie Sanders? Greta Thunberg? Bernard-Henri Levy? Han? Not a word about us! We’re just good-for-nothing candy!
Orange : I would have thought, given my colour, that Gabriel Nadeau-Dubois, from Québec solidaire, would have come to walk alongside us. Not even.
Yellow: Must be a Smarties eater!
Green: So much the worse for the leftists! Today, the right succeeds in silencing Miss Green, one day it will be all Greens. You are warned!
Purple: We would like to at least trigger a wave of solidarity with the other mascots. We would like Bonhomme Carnaval to support us, putting his big paw at half mast.
Brown: And for Youppi to stop showing his joy when CH wins, it won’t be too difficult.
SL: Your company fired you, what are you going to do now?
Brown: Well, we’re looking for one job. We heard the Premier of Quebec say that to teach a 4-year-old kindergarten, you don’t need to have done four years of university, so you have a chance of being hired, especially since the 4 year olds love us very much.
Blue: In one does not stick on the fingers.
Red: Or almost not.
SL: I wish you the best of luck. Do you have a last word before your company takes the floor away from you?
Red: Yes ! It’s really disgusting, attacking treats!
Green: Stephan Bureau is right…
Brown: The world is upside down!
Yellow: And do you know what an upside-down M&M does?
Blue: It’s a W&W!
Purple: A woke and woke!
Orange : We will vanquish !