Posted at 4:00 p.m.
Gabrielle is the mother of an alert and sensitive 4-year-old child. “My daughter has become extremely picky about her clothes and seems distressed when she can’t wear a particular dress,” Gabrielle writes.
Her daughter started wanting to decide what to wear to daycare around the age of 2 and the phenomenon has increased in the last year; other children in her group are very competitive and care a lot about what friends wear, says the mother. “Is this behavior normal at his age? she asks. What can I do to calm down style decisions in the morning and make sure my daughter feels confident without putting so much emphasis on her looks? »
Already, around the age of 3 to 5, children begin to pay more attention to their body image, the way they dress and the way they look at others, explains psychoeducator Mélanie Bilodeau, author of the book. Be your baby’s expert.
We tend to talk a lot more about self-perception in older children, but it starts in early childhood.
Mélanie Bilodeau, psychoeducator
PHOTO DOMINICK GRAVEL, LA PRESSE ARCHIVES
Psychoeducator Mélanie Bilodeau
In a case like this, the parent must above all resist, in his opinion, the urge to reason with the child (“We’re going to put on another dress, don’t make a fuss about it…”).
“When we do that, we throw oil on the fire; the child who is anxious will completely close down and we will increase his rigidity. He needs to feel welcomed and validated in his emotion”, indicates the psychoeducator, who recommends that parents start by helping the child to identify the way he is feeling (sad, angry, etc.).
It will then be up to the child to find the solution to the problem. “We can say to her, for example: “I understand you, it’s true that this dress is beautiful. What are we doing ? “That way, we give power back to the child,” illustrates Mélanie Bilodeau.
Value personal qualities rather than appearance
The best way to prevent these situations in the morning, however, remains, according to her, to let the child choose his clothes the day before. “When you warn, it’s much easier than managing in the moment. In the morning, we manage as little business as possible; it’s already stressful for everyone and we add to that the emotional factor — “I don’t feel like going to daycare, you woke me up earlier, I’m tired…”, believes the psychoeducator.
The child who chooses his clothes (including during the purchase) also has the opportunity to put forward his personality and his opinions, underlines Mélanie Bilodeau. “Children assert themselves like that. And that’s super-important for the rest of their lives. »
If I can’t even express my tastes through my clothes, how am I going to tell the other person that I don’t like it when he’s in my bubble or when he talks to me like that?
Mélanie Bilodeau, psychoeducator, talking about children
And when an adult compliments the child on her dress or sweater, the parent has every interest in “reframing” the comment by noting that it is the child who chose it himself – thus putting the emphasis on his ability to choose, rather than on his appearance. “It’s okay to also say: ‘Grandma, grandpa, instead of telling William: your overalls are beautiful, talk to him about his qualities — he’s always smiling, for example.’ »
“The best way to get the child to have a positive self-image is to value the process, perseverance and effort, rather than the result,” concludes the psychoeducator.
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