Parenting a young child comes with its own set of challenges. And it happens that we no longer know where to turn to find answers to these little everyday worries. The Press explores an issue that affects the well-being of children with the help of a specialist. Today: we answer questions from parents about naps and bedtime for children under 5 years old.
Sleep is – unsurprisingly – the “number one” reason for consultation during early childhood, says psychoeducator Mélanie Bilodeau, who is also the author of the books. Be your toddler’s expert And Be your baby’s expert.
Until the age of 10, a child’s sleep will go through a lot of variations before beginning to resemble that of an adult; but from childhood, we can see that there are little sleepers, late risers or night owls, she notes. “Each child has their own biological rhythm,” emphasizes Mélanie Bilodeau.
PHOTO DOMINICK GRAVEL, LA PRESSE ARCHIVES
Psychoeducator Mélanie Bilodeau
The point on the siesta
Jonathan is the father of a 2 and a half year old daughter. “Since he was born, sleep has always been a problem,” he wrote to us. But the real challenge for her parents is the nap, since the only way for her to fall asleep on weekends is by car.
“It could well be that we have created a habit, says Mélanie Bilodeau. But is it really that bad if the child is sleeping? There is a problem from the moment the parent says: “It’s starting to wear me down, I don’t really want to go for car rides every Saturday anymore.” »
If so, why not go for a walk in the park? suggests the psychoeducator. “She may fall asleep in her stroller or in her sleigh in the winter. But we’re not going to impose an hour’s nap on her because that generates stress and protest. »
The child, what he wants is to get out of the usual framework of the day-care centre; if we fall into repression mode – “you have to sleep, it’s important, the nap” – there is confrontation between the parent and the child.
Mélanie Bilodeau, psychoeducator
Rather than “fighting” for the nap, she believes it would be more beneficial to let go, even if it means having a moment of calm at home where everyone is glued to the sofa or the big bed. “We close our eyes, we relax, we breathe, we tell a story… If we fall asleep, so much the better; if you don’t fall asleep, it’s not dramatic either. It’s just two days a week, so having fun is a game-changer. »
The famous number of hours of sleep
How many hours should a child sleep per day? This is the question that a mother asked us in order to know the variations that occur around the age of 4 or 5 years, while two mothers wrote to us because they are worried that their 20 month old son will not only sleeps seven hours a night, in addition to her afternoon nap.
Regardless of the age of the child, Mélanie Bilodeau advises parents not to dwell on the numbers. “It becomes extremely anxiety-provoking and we disconnect from the real needs of the child. It’s like taking a siesta: when do you stop taking it? There are children who, at 3 and a half years old, no longer need it and function very well, while there are those who, when entering kindergarten, still need it in the afternoon. . »
The psychoeducator advises rather to observe the child; is he more irritable than when he sleeps more? Is he willing to learn? And in the evening, watch for signs of fatigue – he stares into space, he yawns, he rubs his eyes – so as not to miss “his window of sleep”.
“Sleep is a bit like a passing train. If you missed it, you have to wait for the next one,” explains Mélanie Bilodeau. And the next one can come an hour or two later, depending on the age of the child.
“Teaching the train analogy to kids works so well because if you tell them, ‘Go to bed,’ it’s very rare for them to be enthusiastic about going to bed. Instead of telling them: “Oh, I think you’re starting to get tired” – all the children answer no, it’s systematic! –, we could say: “You rub your eyes, you yawn, it could be a passing train.” It leads children to develop mindfulness and the idea that sleep is something pleasant, which feels good, rather than insisting on the fact that you have to go to sleep. »
And what must not be forgotten is that sleep remains a neurophysiological process over which the parent has no power, underlines Mélanie Bilodeau; all he can do is accompany the child by meeting his emotional needs during the period of falling asleep and nocturnal awakenings.
Calling all
Are you concerned about a question related to your child’s well-being or development? Write to our journalist, we will try to answer it with the help of an expert.