1– Finally talk about sexuality freely
Met at the bookstore Un livre à soi, rue Laurier, Myriam Daguzan Bernier does not hesitate long when we invite her to tell us about her “fantasies for a better world” (a variation on the title of her last chapter). It must be said that his first book, All naked!, a “benevolent” dictionary for teenagers, was completely torched by a Republican candidate in the United States, Valentina Gomez, earlier this year. In the eyes of the sexologist, it is above all a great “ignorance” which is at issue here. “There are still so many taboo things,” she laments. It prevents conversations, above all it prevents moving forward. And that’s not a nice gift to give to future generations! »
2– Stop sexual violence
Ending rape culture, toxic masculinity, and all these prejudices against differences is his second wish. For good reason: “I see the enormous impacts that it has on my clientele,” says the author, who works as a clinical sexologist with an essentially trans and non-binary clientele, at the Accès-Sexologie clinic, in Parc-Extension . It was of them that she thought first when her book was burned in February. “I felt very bad. I see their distress. We are not that far from the United States…” Many say it, moreover: they will not return there soon.
3– Degendering sexuality
Did you know ? Nature is far from operating in binary mode. Why force yourself to do so, when you know that in doing so you are depriving yourself of a range of potentially fulfilling experiences? “However, I have the impression that many cisgender heterosexual people experience a lot of blockages,” says Myriam Daguzan Bernier. “There are many possibilities in sexuality, but the ins and outs of masculinity are very restrictive. » A telling example? The pleasures surrounding prostate stimulation, she says. Let it be said: “It has nothing to do with orientation. Have fun ! Have fun! »
4– Put an end to performance
This is one of the most discussed topics in the clinic: sacrosanct performance. “People put so much pressure on themselves, it’s not possible!” » And we are not talking here about performing in the act, but rather about performing the act itself! “People put pressure on themselves to have sex,” she laments. Maybe we don’t have time, and that’s okay. There is no obligation! And then there can also be breaks. »
5– Stop foreplay
Let’s be clear: the sexologist is not talking here about putting an end to foreplay (quite the opposite, “because it’s fun!” she says, laughing), but rather about putting an end to this idea of the thing as a stage, as if the main thing was to come. ” It is a whole ! she recalls. We have to stop betting everything on penetration! » A well-anchored vision that dies hard (no pun intended).
6– Stop judging non-monogamy
Note: “Non-monogamous couples have the same issues as monogamous couples, and there are no more failures than among monogamous couples,” says the sexologist. Many are judged, with “it won’t work”, or “I wouldn’t be able to”, paraphrases the clinician. But when we know that it is quite simply “another relational mode” which also requires a “high degree of communication”, why judge?
7– No more embarrassment about STBBIs
“Anyone can contract it, and it is particularly common among young people and the elderly,” says the sexologist. Because yes, yet another taboo, older people obviously also have an active sex life. “There’s nothing embarrassing there, it happens, it’s part of life,” she insists. However, discomfort often means less screening, which can have very real and unfortunate consequences.
8– Dare to explore!
It is on this last fantasy that the author concludes: “The things that tempt you,” she says, “whether it’s BDSM, kink, porn, toys, don’t be embarrassed! » Because where there is discomfort, there is no pleasure, as they say. “But you don’t have to explore either,” she adds, “so do what you want!” As long as it is within consent and well-being. » A call for kindness exactly in the tone of his book.
His book
A sort of sexuality education manual for adults, Sex, sexo, sexu, published by Trécarré, offers a resolutely inclusive look at sex, tackling a number of subjects that go far beyond activities under the covers. On the menu: desire, fulfillment, diversity of eroticisms, of course, but also colonialism, intersectionality and deconstruction of labels. Myriam Daguzan Bernier draws here on numerous studies, avoiding all possible blind spots (but all her scenarios are fictitious) from a perspective that she describes as “humanist”. Many terms are defined along the way – from patriarchy to pimping to monogamish and polyamory, she even offers a BDSM glossary – in all shades of pink. If All naked! has established itself as a reference work for young people, this latest one should do the same for their parents (and adults, more generally).
Sex, sexo, sexu
Trecarré
296 pages
Who is Myriam Daguzan Bernier?
- Clinical sexologist, she has just published Sex, sexo, sexu published by Trécarré. She also contributes to an educational blog, La tête dans le cul.
- She published her first book for adolescents in 2019, All naked!which won the Montreal Libraries Youth Prize in 2020.
- In February, Valentina Gomez, Republican candidate for secretary of state in Missouri, burned a copy of her book with a flamethrower to “protect children.”