Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the big top of the CAQ!
If you enter this huge tent, you will see fabulous creatures!
Staggering! Wonderful!
NEVER SEEN !
Take this man standing next to me.
At first glance, this worthy representative of Homo Quebecus looks like any other human being.
But it is a chimera that defies all the laws of logic, physics and politics!
Because, ladies and gentlemen, believe it or not, this man standing before you is a federalist sovereigntist!
Yes sir ! That could be !
I know what you’re thinking: but how is that possible? It’s like a giant dwarf! An obese anorexic! A carnivorous vegetarian!
Well, it exists!
The big boss of the CAQ, Mr. François Legault, has traveled all over Quebec for years to find the strangest and most singular creatures!
And he gathered them here, under his marquee!
A couple of Siamese twins made up of a Liberal and a PQ!
A separatist who separated from the separation!
A Quebec nationalist proud to be part of the Canadian nation!
You will not believe your eyes !
THE FAUXMAGE
And wait, you haven’t seen anything: with the help of these fantastic creatures, Mr. Legault has managed to concoct an idea that will revolutionize Quebec!
Independence without independence!
What does it eat in winter, you ask?
Simple !
Do you know the fauxmage – the vegan cheese?
It looks like cheese! It tastes like cheese! It has the texture of cheese! But it’s not cheese! It’s fake!
With the CAQ, Quebec will be able to benefit from all the advantages of separation… without having to separate!
How will Mr. Legault be able to achieve this feat?
By the sheer force of his mind!
It’s like sex changes.
Before, if you were a man and wanted to become a woman, you had to undergo hormone therapy and undergo surgery!
It was heavy! Expensive! Intrusive!
Now all you have to do is say you’re a woman, and you’re done!
We will consider that you are a woman!
You can participate in women’s sports tournaments, be incarcerated in women’s prisons!
Without taking pills or going under the knife!
Well, it’s the same with independence!
No more going through a painful and heartbreaking process like a referendum!
With the CAQ, Quebec will be a nation within a nation!
A country within a country!
Quebecers will own… an apartment that they will rent!
Who said you had to separate to live apart?
All you have to do is get up one morning and say: “I am independent” for it to become true!
As if by magic !
A WHOLE SHOW!
So come on, ladies and gentlemen, and enter the big CAQ marquee!
Monsieur Legault explored Venise-en-Québec by gondola to bring you back the most bizarre beings you’ve seen!
The next show (entitled Neither for nor against, quite the contrary) will begin on October 3!
Buy your membership card, you won’t regret it!