Are there somewhere in the world of detoxification centers for the obsession with performance and success at all costs? First, to stop the torture of comparisons, we would be disconnected from social networks. Then, we would be encouraged to eat and drink absolutely whatever we want, according to our desires, to dress, put on makeup, do our hair any way we want. Always worry-free. Work and daily obligations would be done, of course, but with a certain pleasure, without pressure to exceed. The mantra of this place born in my fantasies: Allow yourself to be ordinary…
Certainly, I dream in colors, nevertheless this would be my only resolution for 2024: to get rid of my demands on myself, to allow myself to be a less good mother, friend, ex, lover, journalist, author, daughter , skier, reader, columnist, colleague, employee, citizen… Or even just to remain “good enough”, to use the expression of the British psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott. No more. Aim for the “holy average”, being satisfied with it, even if it means finally valuing my failures too, accepting them without dwelling on them when I wake up at night, finding something positive in them to bounce back from. In short, let go of myself in the land of imperfections, practice excellence in a minor mode, stop self-flagellation. Become a Roger Bontemps. The expression always made me laugh. How did this famous Roger manage to have such a good time?
This text that you are reading, for example, why not accept it as it comes as I write it? Why do I try so hard to make it better, to dream it better? Why expect everything from me to be more grandiose, want me to be strong all the time, compare myself with others that I esteem, see them larger than life like demiurges that I should at least lean against? Among women, more often than among men—it must be admitted—aesthetic criteria are also added to the injunctions of moral and professional excellence, the unhealthy desire to correspond to the imperative dictates of beauty. Excessively and most of the time surreal, to boot. Above all, grow old while trying to stay young! Assuming that everything can be improved, it will never be possible to get there. Now knowing this, why am I failing to integrate it? What pill does it take? What deprogramming? What to eat this winter to accept being an average bear, even rejoice in it and celebrate its virtues?
In December, the French magazine Marie Claire devoted a formidable file to this subject entitled “ The art of being average or why you shouldn’t overdo it. It quoted the philosopher Laurent de Sutter who, in his essay Greatweak ! Thinking about the 21ste century (ed. Climats), hopes that we can leave “the obsession with the creation of a space located above the mediocrity of our fellow human beings”: “The superforce is the contemporary condition of the human being — a condition of thought, a way of looking and thinking, a system of evaluation. » If striving for perfection proves stimulating and beneficial for some, others are slowly killed by it. To want to surpass oneself too much, to be at the top, how many leave their skin there? As if the whole world didn’t already demand the best from everyone. What’s the point of imposing more? By what kind of masochism do we want to become superhumans?
Let’s imagine all this time saved by agreeing to stay average and below. All that less stress would surely leave a larger or new space dedicated to the simple pleasure of being alive. By dint of observing ourselves, reflecting and analyzing ourselves, we lose reason, tranquility, the sweet flavor of simplicity. It’s exhausting to want to be at the top. The path to get there proves difficult, even impossible for many who lack the tools to achieve these ends. Towards the heights, the air becomes scarce, the vertigo makes you dizzy and can make you unbearable, not to mention the risk of avalanches which would make all efforts in vain. What’s the point in the end? To shine in the eye of the other, to find some legitimacy there? Does our essence emanate only from our prowess? I doubt. But the desire for exploits is a tough dope. So, how do we do this detox?